When it's OK to use the "F" word......

Well Sir...as we all know...there are times when the good ol "F" word can be used without anyone takin exception...and here be some good examples....

How t'save some money at Christmas time and some great presents fer the wife...

I showed one a my Grand kids this...and then I found the wife a real nice "Bluetooth" fer only .08 cents...and a Tool Kit fer women..

US Navy 1......

Well Sir....I'll just bet that although y'all know about "Air Force One"....ya probably don't know bout United States Navy One.....

Well....Here tis....



I imagine that if'n y'all go outta bounds here that yur gonna have one hard time playin the ball.......

...and watch out fer them water hazards....










Now Sir...fer those a ya that really like "Big" women...here's a woman that will warm the cockles of yur heart... or maybe some other cockles.....

A Great new Christmas Story....

Hey mates...Y'all wanna read a good Christmas Story (no...not about good old Ralphy), then get on over The Boiling Point and read about "Lovable Louise"...and don't be drinkin anythin while yur a readin this cause y'all just might spray down yur keyboard.....

H/T to Guyk fer turning on us t'this.....

Ah Well... Had t'happen someday I guess... the future is here.. Cookie goes on a rant..

Well Sir...when I was a kid back in the late 40's and 50's ( I know...I'm old), I used to read all the Sci-Fi books I could get my hands on... and the local drugstore was usually able to keep me supplied with the typical pulp mag's for this readin preference...

I remember readin one story in particular...where an "Inter-Galactic" space freighter that had just traveled through space for many years had just landed on some far off planet somewhere and was about to disembark it's cargo. Now Sir...the skipper was supposed to read a huge book that listed all the Do's & Don'ts of this here planet but felt it was unnecessary.

As was his personal custom, he would stand on the unloading gantry while the goods where bein unloaded and he would light up a special expensive cigar that he saved for these completed missions. Well Sir...in this here story, he was immediately arrested for lighting up the cigar because...smoking on this planet was ILLEGAL !!! After an immediate and brief hearing...he was sentenced to death and to die the next morning.

Now Sir... of course there's much more to the story (which had a good twist to its ending BTW) but the point is...back in the 1950's...very few folks would ever have believed that at some point in the future smoking would have been verbotten..forbidden...illegal...but look whats happened today.

Now this here post ain't about the rights & wrongs of smokin...its about how things that were once Sci-Fi are becomin the present...hell boy...back in the early 50's there t'were'nt even a satelite up there in space yet till the Soviet Sputnik came along.... next case in point....



Just in the past week...good old New York City made it illegal to cook with trans-fatty oils because of the health risks involved. Well Sir...this brought another Sci-Fi program to mind it did. Back about ten years ago, there was a program on the boob tube about some kinda "Time Cops"...and I furgot the name of the show but I distinctly remember one episode in particular.

An experienced "Time Cop" comes back to our age...but he has a rookie Time Cop with him. They stop at a fast food restaurant to get something to eat and the rookie has the first hamburger & fries he's ever had (cause he lives 200 years in the future).
As he begins eatin his fare...he makes a statement...somethin like "Man...this is great...now I see why they made it illegal to cook with fats and oils."

Well...what the hell just happened.

Now Sir...I could go on and on bout things that were predicted by Sci-Fi writers many years back, God knows there are hundreds of examples, but what I'm really writin about is Government mandates and laws to oversee my health....Where's my freedom of choice and why is it being taken away???

If'n I want to eat some good ol "greasy spoon" or fast food that I happen to enjoy the flavor of ever now and agin...who's business is that other than mine...its MY CHOICE!

If'n I want to light a good ceegar in a way that nobody else gets exposed t'second hand smoke...IT"S MY CHOICE! Look at the guy that just got fired frum his job cause he took a drug test for the company he wurks fer...and failed it cause they found NICOTINE! Gimme a break already. And some communities are considering making it illegal to smoke anywhere outside.

Well Sir....y'all might as well put the handcuffs on this here Cookie right now...cause I only got two vices left after all these years....eatin good food and smokin...and I ain't about to give up either one of em without a fight or lettin my feelins be known...

Government oversight on my health....SCREW YOU!

What D'ya know...A True Fish Story.....

Well Sir....A guy who lives at Lake Conroe (50 miles north of Houston) saw a ball bouncing around kind of strange in the lake and went to investigate. It turned out to be a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a basketball which became stuck in its mouth!!

The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive, but unable to because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface. The guy tried numerous times to get the ball out, but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate it and release the hungry catfish. You probably wouldn't have believed this, if you hadn't seen the following pictures...









Be kinder than necessary. Cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...Cookie...

After a hard night at the Doggy Strip Club....

Sorry...I just had t'borrow this frum Bluto over at The Dread Pundit Bluto....



...and the next mornin, after all night at the Doggy Strip Club...Rex couldn't even remember the bitch's name....

Update on South Korean Sub on USPS Commemorative.....

Along with Jack Sandy ( who originally discovered the flaw), we contacted the good folks at ASC, who were commissioned to produce this US Navy Commemorative that somehow contained a South Korean Submarine where a United States "boat" should be. Unlike the management folks we contacted at our illustrious United States Postal Service, who gave us nothing but a bureaucratic run-around, ASC immediately got back to us with these prompt and courteous responses.

Gene,

Thank you for letting us know about the Submarine. It actually was brought to our attention just last week. This piece was approved by the Navy and we obtained our images from them. We obviously never intended to insult the Navy and are currently destroying over 2000 prints and replacing the image. Please accept our apology and know that we are rectifying the situation immediately.

Sincerely,

Lisa Koryga

...based on this communique, some doofus somewhere in the Navy authorized the entry of this picture into this commemorative. I personally think that his or her next duty station should be either somewhere in Antartica, Adak Alaska or Gitmo, Cuba.

Fer any of y'all out there that might wanna get sumthin nice frum these here good folks, go to American Stamp Collectibles and take a look at their products, they've got some other really nice stuff fer gifts.....

.....Cookie.....

The Great Texas Chili Cook-off... might bring some tears to yur eye's...

Texas Chili Cook Off

!!Note: If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of Judge #3 is even better.For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, visiting from Springfield, IL

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3." Here are the score card notes from the event:- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels likeI have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT...Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3.He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin... I wouldn't feel a thing.I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI......
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot.Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report