Sunday Sundries....

Now Sir...if'n there's one quality I greatly respect about a person or situation (aside from loyalty)...it's Honesty, and my new found amiga, "Nikki", just sent me this.

Well Sir...now here be a video with some VERY RARE honesty indeed......


_______________________________

....and...while we're on that subject......"When Momma pays a surprise visit"...

...ADULT CONTENT!!!


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....and "Charlie the Cop" from Chicago sends us this segment of a woman's diary he read regarding an investigation he was conductin several years back.....

Cruise Diary

DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise
ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and
make-up. I'm really excited.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful
and we saw some whales and dolphins.
What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I
met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice
man.
____________________________________
DEAR DIARY DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did
some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off
the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his
table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a
wonderful time. He is a very attractive and
attentive gentleman.
____________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino did OK ... won about
$80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him
in his stateroom. We had a luxurious meal complete
with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the
night but I declined. I told him there was no way I
could be unfaithful to my husband.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little
sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and
spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw
me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a
charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him
for the night and again I declined. He told me that
if I didn't let him have his way with me he would
sink the ship. I was appalled.
_______________________________

DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today... Twice.

______________________________________

...and apparently, Miss "Nikki" also had this rather titillating experience the other night....

I lie awake.

I lie awake waiting for you.As I lie on my bed, thinking about you,I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.

You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly,without any reservations, you lay on my naked body. You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you nearly drove me crazy while you drained me.

Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone. I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishings, making it harder to forget you.

Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you...

....you fucking mosquito.

....and...just what pray tell were Y'all thinkin this was about...hmmmm?
___________________________________

Now Sir...."Chicago Charlie" relates this story that would definately ruin yur day....

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said,

"Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time."

She thought fer a moment and then said.

"You have the biggest pecker of all your friends."
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Well Sir....this fine gentleman, Baxter Black, expresses my sentiments exactly...May God Bless you fine Sir...



Thank you Susan Gertson fer sendin that beautiful video along to us....

How many of Y'all out there agree Baxter's view of America?
_______________________________

....and agin...Missy Nikki sends us this badly needed translation of "The Nine Phrases Women Use"....

Men-Folk....watch and learn...it could save yur ass someday....


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"Semper Fi",...One wild-ass ride.., a "Canuck"...and, a very good article.....

"Semper Fi"

"Semper Fidelis", or "Semper Fi" (IPA: sɛm pər ˈfаɪ) for short, is Latin for "Always faithful." Best known to Americans as the motto of the United States Marine Corps, this phrase has served as a slogan for many families and entities, in many countries, dating at least as far back as the 14th century.

The United States Marine Corps

The United States Marine Corps adopted the motto Semper Fidelis in 1883, on the initiative of Colonel Charles McCawley (January 29, 1827 – October 13, 1891), the 8th Commandant of the Marine Corps[1].

There were three mottos prior to Semper Fidelis including "Fortitudine" (meaning "with courage") antedating the War of 1812, which was a nod to the British Royal Marines, "Per Mare, Per Terram" ("by sea, by land") and, up until 1843, there was also the motto "To the Shores of Tripoli". "Semper fidelis" signifies the dedication and loyalty that individual Marines have for "Corps, Country and One Another", even after leaving service. Marines frequently shorten the motto to "Semper Fi".

Just thought there might be some of you folks out there who have forgotten what it means, or would like to know......

Hmmmm... I seem to recall something about loyalty to friends and shipmates......at least that's what it has always meant to me.

Chief my friend (and any other old Marines)......any thoughts?
_________________________________

Well Sir...that Texas Femme-Fatale, Susan Gertson, sends us this here video...and...y'all gotta admit...this does look like one hell of a lot of fun......"A Redneck Carnival Ride".


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Now Sir...this here next video is about a Dog and a Duck that fell in love. The resulting offspring from their union, being a cross between a Canine and a Duck, has been aptly named....

"A Canuck", and when it makes a noise, it goes "Quoof Quoof"...





Thanks agin Missy Susan....
___________________________________

Well Sir, my good friend Patrick from over at "PRH....A Day In The Life" send me this great article by Doug Patton which bears (pun intended) reading as it makes a great deal of sense.....that is if'n the person readin it has any Common Sense....

My friends, PLEASE stop looking at all these small and insignificant campaign distractions being thrown out by the MSM, and take some time to look at the big picture...the one that really counts....

The Bear is Still in the Woods!

By Doug Patton

August 18, 2008

As Barack Obama continues to remind voters in those equivocal yet reassuring tones of his why he is completely unqualified to be president, John McCain shows why he should win this election by a landslide.

The contrast between the two men during the forum at Pastor Rick Warren's Saddleback Church was stunning. As usual, Obama was tentative, vague, stammered through his answers and was simply wrong on every issue. McCain was surprisingly quick, sure of himself and knew exactly what he believed — and why. When Obama was asked what he thought about the nature of evil in our time, instead of talking about terrorism, the invasion of Georgia or the danger of a nuclear suicide state in Iran, he rambled on about child abuse in America. Asked the same question, McCain immediately pointed to Islamic extremism and naked Russian aggression.

In view of that Russian aggression, as well as the other international minefields that will be waiting for the next occupant of the White House, the McCain campaign should give serious consideration to running the 1984 Ronald Reagan "bear in the woods" commercial (www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpwdcmjBgNA).


Here is a transcript of the simple but effective commercial:

"There is a bear in the woods. For some people, the bear is easy to see. Others don't see it at all. Some people say the bear is tame. Others say it's vicious and dangerous. Since no one can really be sure who's right, isn't it smart to be as strong as the bear? If there is a bear…"

The commercial ends with Ronald Reagan's picture and the words, "President Reagan, Prepared for Peace." Change that to McCain's name and photo and you have a commercial that would only have to run once in order to have the tongues of every pundit and political hack in America wagging.

It would also highlight Barack Obama's weak, pathetic first reaction to the brutal invasion of the democratic republic of Georgia by Vladimir Putin's Russian Army. Obama, caught like a deer in the headlights, first responded by telling the invader and the invaded that they should both "show restraint." (Is it any wonder Obama has boxed himself into a corner on the issue of Iraq and cannot tell — or won't admit — the difference between invasion and liberation?)

When looking at the Obama and McCain candidacies, consider the hot spots brewing in the world:

Iraq - A fragile, still struggling democracy, the only one in the Arab world.

Iran - A country run by crazed Islamic extremist with nuclear material, thumbing their noses at the civilized world.

North Korea - A starving people ruled by a despot who has already figured out how to split the atom.

Venezuela - A South American nation run by an America-hating tinhorn dictator sitting on a sea of the world's most precious resource — oil.

China - An emerging economic and military colossus which, despite our best efforts to bring about reform, persists in persecuting its own people and supporting America's enemies around the world.

Russia - A third world nation with an aging arsenal of nuclear weapons, run by a cold-blooded former KGB bureaucrat who thinks he is the next coming of the last czar.

And then there is the shadowy specter of Islamic terrorism, most visible in the form of al-Qaeda, still run by the malevolent hand of Osama bin Laden, a seventh century barbarian who sees the struggle in terms of decades instead of the nanoseconds that characterize the American attention span. We demand that our McWars be over in the blink of an eye so we can return to watching the Super Bowl or the latest reality show; otherwise we whine until a naïve "leader" like Barack Obama arises to tell us what we want to hear.

On January 20, 2009, either John McCain or Barack Obama will be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Setting aside all of John McCain's aggravating faults, which of these two men do you think is prepared on day one to deal with the bear still lurking in the woods?
________________________________

© Copyright 2008 by Doug Patton
____________________________

Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a political speechwriter and public policy advisor. His weekly columns are published in newspapers across the country and on selected Internet web sites, including Human Events Online, TheConservativeVoice.com and GOPUSA.com, where he is a senior writer and state editor. Readers may e-mail him at dougpatton@cox.net.
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A short quickie.... and an answer to an unwarranted request!

Riddles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to copy and send this on to somebody.

Live well, laugh hard, & love deeply!!!

Thanks to "Chicago Charlie" fer sendin these riddles along!
__________________________________

Now Sir....this is a personal message to a "lurker" out there ( I won't mention her name) who likes to passive-aggressively attack old Cookie and his wife by impugning our reputations and causing problems with her lies and innuendo whenever she feels like it. Here's the answer to yur request amiga....














Cookie apologizes to everyone other than the intended recipient (she's knows who she is) if'n this has offended Y'all....

________________________________________

Casual Friday....in the "fer what it's wurth department"...

Well Sir....the following is just an opinion of Cookie's mind ya. Fer the last few days I've been watchin some events rather closely. The first is the fact that John McCain has had a sudden upward bounce in certain poll's, and the second is that he may possibly be considerin picking Tom Ridge, former director of the Homeland Security (and the TSA) Department as his VP running mate.

OK, now, I'm not a huge McCain fan to begin with as there are several aspects regarding John's policies and positions that I definitely DO NOT agree with, but, as I look back over the years, I have never completely agreed with all of the positions of all the candidates I have ever voted for over these many years, and, if'n yur a regular reader of this c'here blog, Y'all know that I would NEVER vote for that inept, partial birth abortion supportin, useless oxygen waster, Barack Obama, even with a gun pointed at my head. So...given the choices I have, unless something very radical changes or comes to light regardin John McCain, I'll be a votin fer him come November.

Now Sir, I don't know exactly what is responsible for McCain's upsurge in the polls, but I'm happy for him, and encouraged over the fact that Obama has lost some popularity among certain elements of his base, mainly the 18 to 29 year old age group. Maybe...just maybe, they've stopped looking at all the charismatic fluff and change bullshit, and started looking at his complete lack of experience and his past, extremely liberal voting record and where he stands on the important issues that face our great nation. One can only hope...can't one?



Well Sir, when I read about Tom Ridge, my blood pressure literally skyrocketed, and I'll tell ya why. Two reasons. First off, Ridge is an avid supporter of abortion, something this Cookie will NEVER support. I believe in the right to life more than the right of one human being to have it within their power to arbitrarily take that life (except for imminent death health reasons and conception that resulted from rape or incest). I know this view will not endear me to certain readers of my blog, but that's my view and it will never change. So, if'n I loose a reader or two, so be it. I've always thought it would interesting to see if a supporter of abortion were to actually witness the absolute horror of a partial birth abortion and still maintain their position. I don't care what ya say...it's the murder of a completely defenseless little human being, plain and simple!

Secondly, this Cookie worked for the TSA (Transportation Security Agency) almost from it's beginning, and, while it was under the command of Tom Ridge, and I can honestly say that never, in my 50 some years of being in the workforce, in my Military experience and my 21 years of Law Enforcement and business, have I ever had the unfortunate experience of working for one of the most dysfunctional, chaotic and management arrogant organizations I have ever witnessed or been a part of. It was a truly horrendous experience and I know that that kind of management arrogance and sense of entitlement comes from the top down. In all fairness, it is now my understanding from folks that continue to work for the TSA that, since Ridge left that position, things in Homeland Security have gotten much much better.

I'll never forget a news broadcast I saw once. This Nation was at an elevated level of security because of some threat or anuther, and a great many upper level TSA Management folks were in Hawaii for a conference of some sort (nice place to hold a conference at taxpayer's expense huh). At any rate, the news broadcast began by showing Tom Ridge and few of his cronies sitting poolside sipping on, presumably, some cocktails, and according to the reporter, WHILE THE CONFERENCE WAS BEING CONDUCTED!. Other Management level folks were having a grand old time swimming, surfing and cavorting on the beaches, again, according to the reporter, WHILE THE MEETINGS WERE BEING HELD!

The news reporter tried to interview one of these folks by asking them if they shouldn't be attending the important meetings that were in progress instead of having fun swimming, surfing and drinking. He was very rudely and arrogantly told to mind his own business by the TSA person, who, while smirking and scoffing at the reporter, then beat a hasty retreat toward the Hotel. And folks...it was this kind of an arrogant, "I'm entitled", elitist attitude that permeated the TSA management I had the unfortunate privilege to meet and work for.

John McCain, if you pick Tom Ridge as your running mate, you might just as well kiss this election goodbye and retire into obscurity, because not only will I and all of my extended family NOT vote for you, but neither will many hundreds of thousands of other good Americans who believe in both the sanctity of life, AND the ability of our nation's Commander in Chief to make sound and fact based decisions. Picking Tom Ridge will not demonstrate sound decision making abilities on your part and will anger a great, great many of us.

....and if'n ya do pick Tom Ridge...all I got t'say to you is.....



But....as always...this is just my opinion.....

Hmmmph... and maybe someday I'll tell Y'all just how I REALLY feel bout Mr. Ridge...
____________________________________

"Brig Chasin".....and MAX Beer....

OK...fer any of you old Navy men out there who've ever done any "Brig Chasing"....this'll bring back some memories...especially the part about kickin some Marine Corps butt....

Well Sir....back in the day, I did some "Brig Chasin" my last few months in The Navy, and had a similar experience when "escorting" a prisoner out to Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary. We didn't have all the fun that Randy Quaid and Jack Nicholson did in this movie, but since our prisoner was goin away for 20 to life, we did get him laid fer his last time(at least his last time with a woman) while passin through Chicago.....

"The Last Detail", with one of the greatest actors goin....Jack Nicholson....




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Hmmmm.....Verrrrry Interesting...

Subject: Boycott? Victoria, Texas (Pop 55,000) is a town about 125 miles southwest of Houston.

Local Hispanic leaders,in oppositions to pending immigration legislation,
boycotted all Caucasian owned businesses in the Victoria area this
weekend as a demonstration of their economic impact on the community.

The boycott was declared a success in the Hispanic community, noting that
revenue in Caucasian owned businesses was down 19%.

Business owners declared the boycott a success as well, pointing out that shoplifting was reduced by 77%.
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Lesson Learned!

I was talking to the little girl of a friend of mine the other day who she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, who are liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her,

'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal,' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house.'
She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6.
And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked,

'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her folks still aren't talking to me.
__________________________________________

Man being interviewed for job as policeman.

Interviewer says "OK you've passed all the written and oral tests; now we
want you to prove yourself" he slides a plastic bag across the desk and says
"there's a gun in that, go out and shoot 6 illegal immigrants, 6 asylum
seekers and a rabbit"

Man says "why the rabbit"?

Interviewer "great attitude, you're hired"
______________________________

....and "Charlie The Cop" sends us this ad fer a beer with head...

...FER MEN ONLY!



...and ladies...if'n ya peeked...now y'all know what kinda Beer yur hubby or boyfriend wants...


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Wednesday Wevelations.....

A heart warming story!

Not all posts have to be crude. Now and then it is good to have one that is just cute and sweet.

STORY OF A LITTLE GIRL AND HER DEAD GOLDFISH.

**CLICK TO ENLARGE PHOTO**
























___________________________________

Now Sir.....here's some diffrences in "belly button" jewelry, the first as worn by young ladies from Texas, and second worn by some women-folk frum the Oswego County area of upstate New York....



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If'n yur an open minded, patriotic American who hasn't as yet made up yur mind regarding the 2 candidates, read this, do yur own research and investigation, and draw yur own conclusions....

Well Sir...it's NO SECRET how I feel about the "Obamessiah". I'm old enough, and life experienced enough to see right through this "great imposter", and I don't trust him not one iota, and the more I learn about him (which is a difficult thing to do in itself), the more I'm convinced he will be an absolute disaster for our great nation.

I'm reprinting this article from my buddy "Sig", frum over at Sig 94. So here's some new info regarding "the mystery candidate"....

BTW... I was a cop when these extreme radical types were doing their bombings, killings and damage around our Nation, and, at that time, I had access to information that most folks weren't aware of regarding these treacherous traitors....so I'd truly like to see this matter investigated in more depth to ascertain the veracity and extent of Obama's affiliation with them....

Terrorist In Obama's Cupboard

Not much has been made by the MSM of Obama's close relationship with the 60's terrorist, Bill Ayers, but Stanley Kurtz at the NRO isn't letting this slide. Obama's off handed dismissal of his relationship with Ayers will not stand up to scrutiny.

Ayers and his wife, Bernardine Dohrn were terrorists for the notorious Weather Underground during the turbulent 1960s, turning fugitive when a bomb — designed to kill army officers in New Jersey — accidentally exploded in a New York townhouse. Prior to that, Ayers and his cohorts succeeded in bombing the Pentagon.

Ayers and Dohrn remain unrepentant for their terrorist past. Ayers was pictured in a 2001 article for Chicago magazine, stomping on an American flag, and told the New York Times just before 9/11 that the notion of the United States as a just and fair and decent place “makes me want to puke.”

Although Obama actually launched his political career at an event at Ayers’s and Dohrn’s home, Obama has dismissed Ayers as just “a guy who lives in my neighborhood,” and “not somebody who I exchange ideas from on a regular basis.” For his part, Ayers refuses to discuss his relationship with Obama.

Obama was the Chairman of the Board of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, a radical organization that Ayers founded. And there is a paper trail that can document this relationship.

[...] a large cache of documents housed in the Richard J. Daley Library at the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC), is likely to flesh out the story. That document cache contains the internal files of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge. The records in question are extensive, consisting of 132 boxes, containing 947 file folders, a total of about 70 linear feet of material. Not only would these files illuminate the working relationship between Obama and Bill Ayers, they would also provide significant insight into a web of ties linking Obama to various radical organizations, including Obama-approved foundation gifts to political allies.

But at the last minute permission access to these files was suddenly withdrawn.

Circumstances strongly suggest the likelihood that Bill Ayers himself may have played a pivotal role in this denial. Ayers has long taught at UIC, where the Chicago Annenberg Challenge offices were housed, rent-free. Ayers likely arranged for the files of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge to be housed in the UIC library, and may well have been consulted during my unsuccessful struggle to gain access to the documents.

This reminds me of Kerry's refusal during the 2004 Presidential election to sign a Standard Form 180 which would have released his naval records and ended any speculation about what kind of discharge he received. Kerry eventually did sign the form a year later but only allowed three reporters to view the documents; the reporters stated that there was no indication that Kerry received anything other than an honorable discharge. But why didn't he do this during the campaign? Why a year later? Why only three reporters?

These circumstances only fueled more speculation that the records had been expunged.

And Obama will most likely make the same mistake and the MSM will carry his water for him ... again.
____________________________________

Tuesday Tidbits....

Well Sir....all the below funnies were sent t'me by "Chicago Charlie", "Sandy" frum Tampa, Fla., and Sarah frum "My Wonderful Life". THANKS GUYS!
________________________________

I'd be willin t'bet that there ain't one man out there who watches this banned commercial who cain't relate to it from real life experience.....


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A blonde goes into the cleaners; drops off a blouse to be dry cleaned.

As she's leaving, the cleaner says "come again".

The blonde stops and says "No, it's mustard this time."
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20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Sexual Favors'

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'

8 Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14.. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go'

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.. ......

Copy and Send this to as many people as you feel need a great laugh today.....
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You might be a bad cook if....

1. The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire
2. Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom
of the oven.
3. You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your roommate and the
surprise is that it glows in the dark!
4. Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
5. The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
6. Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting
to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.
7. You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the
porch overnight during a record busting heat wave and the next afternoon,
not only is it still solid, but it tastes better.
8. You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your
beef stew.
9. Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crock-pot nine
days old tastes like.
10. The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large
bright red 'biohazard' symbols.

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I saw a billboard sign that said :

NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity, I did.

A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
__________________________________

Tony's wife thought it was very romantic when he vowed to have a picture of her tattooed on his arm.

"There's just no pleasing some women!' he moaned, after she threw him out of the house.


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Now, tell me, are pigs smart or what???

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.

While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud,
they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
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Monday Mania....

Dammit Honey....why cain't we just have a dog or cat like everyone else....and by the way, it's yur turn to clean up the mess in the hallway....


_______________________________

Yupper...my kinda woman (only cause she's patriotic ya understand....)

....ADULT CONTENT!!!



I just loves a woman with talent.....!!
_________________________________

....and fer all you Fisherpersons out there...Y'all gonna love this one...

Bill Dance Bloopers....Very Funny....


________________________________

....and...fer all you Dog owners out there.....


___________________________________

Banned Dodge Commercial......




____________________________________

Now Sir...here be a REAL butt head.....


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