Surprize...surprize...surprize.....

Some jokes fer the women-folk.....

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Q: Why do little girls whine?
A: They are practicing to be women.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

If'n ya like Fish or Seafood fer Friday......

Well Sir....if'n yur like the Cookie man....and like a good fish or Seafood dish on Fridays...her's a couple a simple, easy to prepare recipe's that taste great.....

Tilapia Italiano

4-6 Tilapia fillets
1 Tbls. olive oil
¼ cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 Tbls. parsley flakes
2 Tbls. butter
1 Tbls. lemon juice
1 tsp. garlic powder

Mix Parmesan cheese, garlic powder, parsley flakes; set aside. Heat a large saute pan and add olive oil, butter, and lemon. Saute fillets 2-3 minutes per side until white and flaky. Sprinkle cheese mixture on fillets and saute each side for another minute, then serve. Makes 4 servings.
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Tilapia (or any good fish) With Garlic

4-6 Tilapia fillets
¼ cup plus 1 Tbls. fresh lime juice
1 tsp. olive oil
1 Tbls. unsalted butter
5 Tbls thickly sliced garlic
3 Tbls. all-purpose flour
4 Tbls. chopped fresh cilantro/parsleysalt and freshly ground pepper

Rinse and pat fillets dry. Place in a 2" deep glass or enamel-coated dish. Sprinkle with lime juice.

Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour. In heavy skillet, combine oil and butter and heat over medium heat. Add the garlic and saut» just until lightly browned. Using a slotted spoon remove garlic and set aside.

Remove fish (reserve lime juice), pat dry with paper towel. Dust lightly with flour, shaking off excess. Warm the skillet over medium-high heat, frying fish 2 to 3 minutes per side until brown and crisp outside and just done inside.

Remove fillets to a warming dish. Reheat garlic, stir in lime juice, cilantro, salt and pepper. Heat just until the cilantro begins to wilt. Pour over the fillets and serve. Makes 4 servings.
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Seafood Paella With Scallops

25 large shrimp (about 1 1/2lbs) shelled and cleaned
1 lb Bay Scallops
8-10 clams, rinsed
¼ to ½ lb of Chorizo sausage, sliced
2 tbsp. olive oil
5 cloves garlic, minced
5 cups finely chopped onions
2 cups uncooked short grain white rice
2 cups clam juice
1 ½ cups dry white wine
3 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. Hungarian paprika
1/2 tsp. saffron or 4 envelopes puro ground saffron
1/4 cup boiling water
1 cup of peeled, diced plum tomatoes
1/2 cup finely chopped parsley
2 roasted red peppers drained, thinly sliced, divided
¼ lb fresh or frozen peas

Heat oil in large paella pan (or a good sized large skillet) until hot.

Add garlic and cook about 1-2 minutes. Add onions, chorizo and rice, cook and stir for about 8 to10 minutes, or until onions are soft.

Stir in clam juice, wine, lemon juice, and paprika; mix well. Combine saffron and boiling water in small bowl; stir until saffron is dissolved. Stir into onion mixture.

Stir in tomatoes, parsley, and half the red pepper. Bring to a boil then lower heat to low. Stir in scallops and peas, clams, shrimp. Cook until rice is done.

Garnish with remaining red peppers….Serve. Makes about 10 servings.

If'n Y'all like to bake....here's a real goody fer ya...

Well Sir.....t'is unfortunate fer this here Cookie that I'm Diabetic, cause I'd just be a lovin to make and dive inta this delectable delight....but alas....

The least I can do is share it with Y'all like it was shared with me....

Neiman Marcus Cake I



Yields: 14 servings

"This has a chocolate cake base topped with a cream cheese, chocolate chip and nut topping. It is very rich and very good!"

INGREDIENTS:
1 (18.25 ounce) package chocolate cake mix
3 eggs
1/2 cup butter
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup chopped walnuts
4 cups confectioners' sugar
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease one 13x9 inch baking pan.

2. Combine the chocolate cake mix, 1 of the eggs, and the butter or margarine and mix until smooth. Pat mixture into the prepared pan. Sprinkle the semi sweet chocolate chips and the chopped nuts evenly over the cake.

3. Mix together the confectioner's sugar, cream cheese, and the remaining 2 eggs until well blended. Pour over the semi-sweet chocolate chips and the chopped nuts.

4. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for about 40 minutes. Let cake cool a little before cutting. Serve warm or cooled.

A Tax Reminder........

Important tax reminder:
Don't forget to pay your taxes......

21 million illegal aliens are depending on you!

A big old Cookshack Hat Tip to my buddy Fish frum Kentucky fer sendin this along....



Confession is good fer the soul......

An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father .. During World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did! You have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

A Spiritual message fer beer drinkers everywhere....

Well Sir.....I seldom pass along inspirational stuff, but this one got to me.? I believe, in these difficult and mean-spirited times in which we live, there needs to be a message of Hope.

We can all use a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace, and joy. An image that suggests the universality of us all . I have been sent that image, and I want to share it with you . All I ask that all of you take a moment to reflect on it.

Hat Tip to Charley B out Chicago way.....

A heads-up to brother cops... and some funny stuff....includin Hillary...

Well Sir....any brother Officers out there...it will behoove you to watch and beware......

This was sent to me by my new friend Charley out Chi-Town way.... He's retired off-the-job...




The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh



....and fer all you folks that love Hillary.....

Absolutely the best picture EVER!

Hillary Clinton (D-NY) has already started her 2008 presidential campaign by aligning herself with the military and pretending to be tough on terror. Fortunately, the ultra-liberal Hillary has yet to brainwash all of the voting public in to believing that her symbolism is really substance. Many have never forgotten that when she was co-president for eight years she was quoted as saying : " I loathe the military."

(read the message below the photo)

The picture shows that this soldier has been thru Survival School and learned his lessons well. He's giving the sign of "coercion" with his left hand. These hand signs are taught in survival school to be used by POW's as a method of posing messages back to our intelligence services who may view the photo or video. This guy was obviously being coerced into shaking hands with Hillary Clinton. It's ironic how little she knew that he would so inform us about the photo---perhaps because she's never understood our military to begin with.....

Baked French Toast with a Praline Toppin....

Well Sir...if'n there's sumthin that the wife and I really enjoy on Sundays mornin's...it's a great French Toast....and this here recipe sent t'me by Sue Gertson frum Texas is one GREAT recipe'.....Enjoy....

Baked French Toast with Praline Topping

1 loaf French bread (13 to 16 ounces)

8 large eggs

2 cups half-and-half

1 cup milk

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Dash salt

Praline Topping, recipe follows

Slice French bread into 20 slices, 1-inch each.

Arrange slices in a generously buttered 9 by 13-inch flat baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices.

In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half-and-half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt and beat with a rotary beater or whisk until blended but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk-egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices.

Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spread Praline Topping (see ingredients, below) evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden.

Serve with maple syrup.

Praline Topping:

1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter

1 cup packed light brown sugar

1 cup chopped pecans

2 tablespoons light corn syrup

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well. Makes enough for Baked French Toast Casserole.

A little bit of this...and little bit of that....

The Heavenly Clocks

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move."

"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?""That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible", said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Hillary's clock?" asked the man. "Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.........
__________________________

Ya know mates....Callin an "illegal alien" an "undocumented immigrant" is like...

callin a drug dealer an "Unlicensed Pharmacist"....

...ain't that the truth......
______________________________

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken, and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of the reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."
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For all you Hillary fans............................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic
athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an
astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted
to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be
telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to
be president because she can't do anything else." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president
in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants
to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running
for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while
others hate it." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President
Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same
reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is
elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton
-- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
--Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign?
Know what sign? "For Sale." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on
eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but
still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at
least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all
ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former and present business
partners can vote for her in 2008." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and
help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started. "Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He sighed.........

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."
__________________________________________

Some good quotes:

John Stuart Mill:
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
____________________________

"It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."--Teddy Roosevelt


...just as valid a quote t'day as it was way back then.....