Happy Fathers Day feller dads....a joke... and cops with a sense of humor..

-A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

-Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

-By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

-The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
_________________________________

Subject: The Zipper

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware
that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the
height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
Reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried
to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
Unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the
bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree
with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a
figured we was friends."
_____________________________

...and some cops with a good sense of humor....




Thanks to both Sue G. frum Texmex...ooops...Texas, and Sig frum Signal 94 fer these submissions....

Yupper...friends come...and they go....

Well Sir....just a real short little video about friends comin & goin.....

Hey Mates...have some sympathy will ya....

We need to show more sympathy for these good folks.

They travel miles in the heat.
They risk their lives crossing a border.
They don't get paid enough wages.
They do jobs that others won't do, or are afraid to do.

They live in crowed conditions among a people who speak a different language.

They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day every day.


No Sir.....I'm NOT talkin about illegal immigrants,


I'm talking about our brave Men and Women of The United States Military.


Doesn't it seem strange that the Democrats are willing to lavish all kinds of social benefits on illegals, but don't support our troops and are continuously threatening to de-fund them?

Fer all you Young Lions out there....

Well Sir....since I posted yesterday bout Marriage...I thought I'd continue today with some visual illustrations fer all you young lions who might get the message better by viewin some photygraffs that make my points more vividly....

SINGLE

MARRIED

DIVORCED


Anuther thankee to Missy Sue Gertson frum Eagle Lake, down in the Lone Star State, fer sendin these along....y'all sure do understand marriage frum a mans point of view Missy....

Some marital suggestions, observations and advice...

By all Means... MARRY!



I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Any damn thing I wanted to. Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

Tough Cowboys... and some very funny Biblical stuff...

A tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.

When he died, he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren,

.....and a 11-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
_______________________________

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk
grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and
maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU ARE EVEN
REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH HOLY SCRIPTURE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT
COMES FROM A ROMAN CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR
CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

...and Sue......thanks agin fer sendin me all this good .....
___________________________________

...and the Quote of the day is...

"Ask the American Indians what happens when you don't control immigration."

A hodge podge....

Yupper...anuther blonde joke....

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to
leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons.
I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can
look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."
___________________________

...there just some things ya cain't unsee...

...ci amigo...thees ess safe....

...if'n yur a gonna wears em...at least wears em right...

...Good Dog.....

What it means to be an American.....

Well Sir...this was sent t'me by me good buddy Charlie B out Chicago way...Thanks Charlie...

This is a very good letter to the editor. This woman made some good points. For some reason, people have difficulty structuring their arguments when arguing against supporting the currently proposed immigration revisions. This lady made the argument pretty simple.
NOT printed in the Orange County Paper...................

Newspapers simply won't publish letters to the editor which they either deem politically incorrect (read below) or which does not agree with the philosophy they're pushing on the public. This woman wrote a great letter to the editor that should have been published; but, with your help it will get published via cyberspace!

New Immigrants From: "David LaBonte"

My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to "print" it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined. Dave LaBonte (signed) Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange County Register:

Dear Editor:

So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.

Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.

They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan . None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan They were defending the United States of America as one people.

When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.

And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.

And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty , it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.(signed) Rosemary LaBonte

P. S. Pass this on to everyone you know!!! KEEP THIS LETTER MOVING!!

I hope this letter gets read by millions of people all across the nation!!
Ever onward!!

MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA