Saturday, September 27, 2008


I had a couple a beers with Paul Newman once.....truth.

I guess it's only fitting that I share a true story with y'all bout the time I and my detective partner, Mike Macko had a couple of beers with Paul Newman.

Fer those of y'all that don't know, part of the movie "Slapshot" was filmed at The Onondaga County War Memorial in Syracuse, NY, this being an avid area of the country for Ice Hockey, and part of the movie background as well. Well Sir, my lovely wife Elaine, like most women during that time period had fallen in love with Mr. Newman and those eye's he was so famously known for.

So, when it was announced in the paper that they were holding auditions for movie extra's in "Slapshot", she was one of the first in line and both her and her girlfriend managed to get small parts. Now Sir, I can't recall exactly but, but the filming for the movie was either in May or June, and man was it hot, however, all the extra's in the audience scene's had to have on heavy winter cloths as if they were dressed for winter.

If you've ever watched a movie filmed, then ya know that many scenes are filmed 2,3, 4 or more times. Well Sir, on this one hot day, they had taken several re-takes on this one fight scene and several other scenes as well, and all the extras were very hot, sweaty and uncomfortable with all their winter cloths, coats and hats on. Finally, in one scene in which Paul Newman climbs into the audience (as Reggie...his character role)) to beat the hell out of some idiot, my wife got to touch him and be right next to him. To her...this was the thrill of a lifetime. After 4 days of sitting in a steamy hot War Memorial shooting take after take after take, she had accomplished what she had hoped for. She was absolutely elated...with a capital E.

Now Sir...what my wife didn't know was that myself and my partner Mike, who were working as Off-Duty plain cloths Security for the movie company, had earlier been standing near a back entrance to the War Memorial where the actors and crew would enter from their dressing room trailers and buses. One of the bus door opened and who but Paul Newman sticks his head out, looks at us and asks us if we're part of the movie crew. We told him we were off duty cops working security and was there anything we could do for him. He then asked us if we would walk down to another equipment trailer and bring him a few beers from a certain cooler in there. Then he added, "hell boy's, it's hot out there, grab a six pack (he liked Coors) and come on back and have a few beers with me." Damn near broke our butts getting the beers and gettin back to his dressing room we did.

It was in between scenes and the three of us sat there in his air conditioned bus drinking the cold Coors and shootin the shit just like regular folks. Eventually, he was called in for a shoot and we walked him to the entrance, but not before asking him if I could have his beer can as a souvenir for my wife who was an extra. He said sure thing and departed.

Later, after 7 hours of filming in a particularly hot War Memorial, my wife exited, stripping off her coat and the winter hat she had on. Here hair was soaked from perspiration. On the way home she couldn't stop talking about having touched him and been right next to him. She was so excited, I knew I was gonna get a little that night...that is... until I handed her an empty beer can.

With a puzzled look she asked "What's this?" I then proceeded to tell her how Mike and myself had spent about an hour shooting the shit with Newman and that was one of his empty beer cans. There was dead silence for about 30 seconds....and then, starting like the low rumble of distant thunder and increasing in crescendo she said ..."WHAT! I spent the entire day sweating my ass off in a steaming hot War Memorial just to see him, and maybe get close to him and now you tell me that you and Macko were having a few beers with him! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THIS F*#@ING BEER CAN MISTER....STICK IT UP YUR ASS! There was dead silence all the rest of the way home.

I think you probably figured out by now that there wasn't any luvin fer the Cookie that night....True story mates.

Gotta start the week off right with a little "NewsBusted"...


Always liked Ben Stein.....


What a kick in the "cajones" this would be....


Well Sir.... "The Chief" frum over at Smolderin Embers informed me that he had a real embarrasin situation happen to him last week while out cloths shoppin. It was caught on t'is...


Often wundered why Geisha's walk the way they do.....


I think I know this guy...he's an old Marine I once knew....


S'more weekend Sundries....

A very sad loss......Paul Newman passes on.....


Well Sir...we'll start this here post with a riddle fer y'all.....

Think you know this?

Who am I?
I am under 45 years old,
I love the outdoors,
I hunt,
I am a Republican reformer,
I have taken on the Republican establishment,
I have many kids,
I have the VP spot on the ticket with less than 2 years in the governor's office.




Teddy Roosevelt

OK be a collection of humorous commercials to start yur Sunday out right....




Hmmmm....has anybody else noticed the veracity of this product defect??


"Advertising"'s all about getting folks attention....


Now be some posters Y'all can use fer yur blogs if'n ya got a mind to....


Well Sir...this here same truck was observed at both political conventions...and again Friday night at the Debate....


Regardin "The Bailout"....d'ya suppose they'll use a little of this before reachin inta our pockets fer 700 Billion bucks.....





This week we celebrate a special birthday !

Monica Lewinsky turned 36.

Can you believe it ? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they?

A big old Cookshack HAT TIP to:

"Chicago Charlie", Susan Gertson from Eagle Lake, Texas, "fish" frum Kentucky, "Nikki" from upstate NY (whose hubby just got back from Iraq...Thank You sir for your service to our country), and "the Chief" from Smolderin Embers fer some of the above submissions.

"Man...I'll be real glad when all this political crap will be over."

Friday, September 26, 2008

Saturday Sundries....

The best place to keep yur change purse.....

Photobucket...PARTIAL NUDITY!



A Major Ooooops......

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.

He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the heck, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman says..... Wow , she sounded sexy.

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s*ex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want!

Now, how does that sound?'

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."


Woulda loved to have seen the expressions on their faces....


While perusing some of my old photygraff's, I just happened to run across this here pikchure of "The Mohawk Chieftan" shovelin his walkway last winter....


All time best Quote

General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America .

"I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is to arrange the meeting."

Norman Schwartzkopf

Hmmmm...too bad he ain't runnin fer President....

Virus Alert!

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton," do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.

"Eat yur hearts out boys...."

...."honest was like this when I got here!"

"Man...they really feed me good around this place. Third meal they've given me so far t'day. Wunder why they're bein so good t'me?" (HINT: Look at the newspaper)


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Fractured Friday.....

I would truly like to Thank ALL of you who expressed concern over my recent health situation and resulting absence. It's good to know that there are such GREAT people out there like yurselves out there who do care about the well being of others. I'm indeed a fortunate man.....


....and fer "Gert", my "Liberal" buddy frum across the pond who enjoys the hell outta these characters...



Awwww...poor goldfish.....


Although this Ad is absolutely fulla Bull, it's a GREAT ad!


Now Sir...this here next photygraff is a bonafide, absolute 100% GUARANTEED way to get that man who never smiles when his picture is being smile...





Just had t'pass along this good read regardin "Common Sense" that I got from over at The Campfire.......


My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today I read his obituary. Please join me for a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary for Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, don't piss on an electric fence and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't legally defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing....

...and finally....this is the "State of The Art" Redneck Smoke Detector....


...ahhh...excuse me Joe, 1929, Roosevelt, Television? Yupper...a leader really has to know what he's talkin about alright.....

You just qualified for the "ID 10 T" award.....

Perhaps this explains why you plagiarized one of your papers in college...???


Just some Great OBG's to pass the time.....

Gotta UPDATE this post with this song....."Moose Shootin Mama"....


Still not up to par then, here be some great OBG's just to fill in the time....

But first....a message to ALL POLITICIANS! The Japanese have a saying I've always really liked, so much so that I had a sign on my desk at the cop shop that simply stated...


I'm so sick of ALL POLITICIANS doing nothing but pointing fingers at each other and NOT addressing the actual problems this country has right now. McCain may cancel the debate, and rightfully so....there is a time for talk...and a time for action...and NOW is a time for action. Enough talk Obama...that's all you seem to be good for.... fer some good music.....

...and now....some Dell Shannon... "RUN AWAY".....and "Little Town Flirt"...

...and the song and the singer that started it ALL....."Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley.....


...and I borrowed this from the blog... "In From The Cold"....

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

When Obama Bowed Out

It may prove to be the pivotal moment of the 2008 presidential race; the day John McCain decided to suspend his campaign, and requested postponement of the first debate, so he can return to Washington and work on the economic bailout bill.

Senator McCain is taking a huge gamble; not only is he abandoning the campaign trail for a few days, he is also pulling his advertising, at a time that Barack Obama has new momentum in the polls.

But Mr. McCain clearly believes the financial crisis should take precedent, and he's willing to risk his campaign to hammer out a bill--barely 40 days before the election.

Not surprisingly, Barack Obama has elected not to follow McCain's lead. Late this afternoon, the Illinois Senator announced that his campaign (and campaign ads) will continue. He also favors holding the first presidential debate, as scheduled, on Friday night.

Democrats are already criticizing McCain's decision to return to Washington, describing it as a campaign stunt. Never mind that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid begged for McCain's participation less than 24 hours ago. Now, McCain's presence is unwelcome and the debate must go on, at least from the Democratic perspective.

You'll never hear this from the MSM, but there is already a precedent in this campaign for skipping a joint, televised event. Earlier this summer, a consortium of veterans' and military groups proposed a forum near Fort Hood, Texas. CBS agreed to televise the historic event, which would have been the first "debate" on military issues, with questions posed by members of the armed forces, their families and veterans.

The forum was scheduled for 11 August, but Mr. Obama took a pass, citing scheduling conflicts. Organizers offered to move the forum to another debate, but the Democratic nominee declined. Senator McCain was firmly committed to the event, but the debate was eventually cancelled, due to Obama's non-participation.

And, of course, there was nary a peep from the media. The Obama camp was obviously uncomfortable with the idea of their candidate taking questions from a military audience. So, he quietly bowed out. To our knowledge, Senator Obama has yet to conduct a large-scale forum with armed forces personnel, though his wife has held a few, carefully-controlled "discussions" with supporters who are military dependents.

Critics would argue that the proposed Fort Hood forum couldn't be compared to a full-blown presidential candidate debate. But the Texas event would have provided answers and insights on issues affecting our military--among the most important decisions made by any commander-in-chief.

No one had a problem with Mr. Obama skipping that event, for purely political reasons. But if John McCain doesn't show up in Oxford, Mississippi on Friday night, he'll catch tons of political flak, from the usual suspects. Never mind that his reasons for postponing the debate are far more valid that Obama's rationale for skipping the Fort Hood forum.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I'm Baaaaackkkk.......

Ahhh...excuse me Mr. Obama...but when yur posin fer a photygraff, at least hold the phone correctly....**sigh**...yupper...he's "qualified" fer the presidency alright.

Well....this certainly clears things up a mite....


Somethin Old, Somethin New

A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It
was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the
days that started with the letter "T".

Examples of those days are as follows:








A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of
bed in the middle of the night:

5% said it was to get a glass of water

12% said it was to go to the toilet

83% said it was to go home

The perfect a man sees it...
You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of
Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy,
and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.
(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?
(A) Nudity
_________________ _________________

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
(A) 45 lbs
________________ _________ _________

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
(A) 45 minutes

(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?"
(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.

(Q) What do you call a smart blonde?
(A) A golden retriever.

(Q) Why did OJ Simpson move to W. Virginia?
(A) Everyone has the same DNA.

(Q) What' s the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?
(A) A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with a recipe.

(Q) What's the Cuban national anthem?
(A) Row, row, row your boat.

(Q) What's the difference between a northern fairytale and
a southern fairytale?

(A) A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time".

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."



On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new
Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
Lovemaking encounter. In
His highly aroused state, her husband readily

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer
Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had
Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and
Therefore, they
Were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that
For the more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied
And these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 Million,

her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If
I'd had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my Business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, we men just don't know when to keep our mouths shut.

Your Hair Smells Nice

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the
coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair
smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her
complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a
sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks:

'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?'

The woman replies, 'Its Keith. The midget.