Saturday sundries

Gotta get me one of these power tools!


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...ahhhh, OK!


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TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES CHURCH over LIGHTNING STRIKE

ONLY IN TEXAS ...

Texas Beer Joint Sues Church In Mt. Vernon, Texas

Drummond's Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase
their business.

In response, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the
bar from expanding with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when
lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike the church
folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of
prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the
church" was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building,
either through direct or indirect actions or means".

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's
reply and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm
going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a
bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church
congregation that now does not."

**NOTE** Before I get 27 e-mails telling me they "snoped" this story and found it to be false, this is a JOKE story, not true.
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Back in the day, when I was in the Navy and considerably younger, I picked up my date at her Parents’ home.

I’d scraped together enough money to take her to a very nice restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail,
Fillet Mignon and whole Lobster. Champagne.

I asked her, “Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?”

“No,” she replied. “but my mother’s not expecting a blow job tonight.”

I said "enjoy"...
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Damn! Hope I never, ever, haveta get married again. "The Entabulator". "I'm a Killer!"

"Side By Side"......funny.


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WOW! I'm sure our Government would want to invest in this invention, The Entabulator!


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William Shatner's views on gun control.


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I was Confused

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue ' Service '
U.S. Postal ' Service '
Telephone ' Service '
Cable TV ' Service '
State, City, County & Public ' Service '
Customer ' Service '

This is not what I thought Service meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' all his cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand how they are "servicing" us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.
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Gotta Thank my buddies "FishinMagician", Ken Blanchard, and my "Cuz", John Coyne fer the above submissions.
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...and my buddy Patrick sent me this good read.

My Name is Betsy. I'm a Killer.
By Betsy M. Galliher

My name is Betsy. I'm a wife and proud soccer mom, a writer, and a small business owner. I'm also a killer.

On the morning of January 8, 2011, I intentionally entered a gathering held by Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and shot her at near-point-blank range. I injured fourteen others, killing six -- among them a beautiful, curious, doe-eyed, nine-year-old girl. I didn't actually pull the trigger, but I'm as guilty as the psychopath who did.

Here are just a few of the charges against me:

I am a conservative.

On occasion, I listen to Beck, Limbaugh, and Fox News.

I've been known to pick up a book or two by conservative authors: Thomas Sowell, Andrew McCarthy, or the Founding Fathers, for example!

I believe that the federal government is too large, far too intrusive, and dangerously powerful.

I believe in personal responsibility and the amazing generosity of Americans to aid those in need rather than permanent entitlements.

I believe that the private, not the public, sector is the backbone of our economy.

I believe that our progressive tax system is punitive. We are over-taxed, over-regulated, and over-lectured.

I believe in the power of the free market to correct itself, without government (taxpayer) intervention.

I believe that the Constitution is intended to limit government and empower the individual.

I believe in holding our elected officials' feet to the fire, be they Republican or Democrat (incendiary pun intended).

I believe that our sovereignty is at risk via unsecured borders, out-of-control spending, our crippling deficit, reckless abuses of the Constitution, and the moral decay of Washington.

In short, I'm a madman. Guilty as charged, and armed with the belief in my 1st-Amendment right to peaceably question those we elect to serve.

The only person who actually pulled the trigger on that terrible, fateful day was Jared Loughner -- by every account, a deeply troubled young man. But the real guilty walk among us: senior citizens in red, white, and blue, armed with signs saying "Taxed Enough Already"; flag-wavers clinging to guns and religion; doctors; the wealthy; business owners; talk radio; and any citizen -- particularly a conservative -- who dares exercise his or her right to free speech.

We're called greedy, stupid, and racist. We're ridiculed with snide "slurpee" innuendos and called lewd and malicious names, such as "teabaggers." Ordinary citizens are maligned by their own government while the pious, liberal elite get a free pass on reason and truth, while Islamists invoke their religious cloak, while the ideologue professes his moral superiority, while the media uses the power of spin, and while leftists, including Robert Gibbs and Barack Obama, employ their bully pulpit.

We defend conservatism by our very way of life: as self-reliant, taxpaying, moral citizens, and as faithful defenders of limited government and the power of the individual. We are violent inciters only insomuch as we threaten the current leftist, agenda-driven stranglehold on government. So alarming is our threat that the real inciters wasted no time in politicizing the tragic deaths of six innocent citizens, not to mention one revered congresswoman still fighting for her life. And they will waste no time in shamelessly exploiting a "crisis" at the hand of a lone psychopath to further enact gun control and squelch freedom of speech under cries of "civility."

Does the left really believe that the "rhetoric" of Palin, Beck, Limbaugh, and Fox is incendiary? Do they fail to understand that the language of conservative "talk" is the echo of ordinary citizens calling for limited government and individual freedoms? Or do they silence us because we know our current leaders don't actually believe in their own limited power? Truth be told, even Jared Loughner undermines their agenda. And they know it. They know that their "transformation" of America is failing and that people like me are not afraid to say so.

My name is Betsy, and I'm a killer. They are determined to stop me before I kill again.

Betsy Galliher.

...and this'll boil yur blood a mite. It should be damned obvious to a person with even HALF A BRAIN (something I doubt that Holder and ilk have) why these Latin American countries are doing this!!



Thanks "Brownie" fer send'n us that.

Breakfast? And, "The Chief" said.....

Now Sir, I can see a time "back in the day" when I definitely woulda cooked and devoured a breakfast like this. Got a feel'n that "SubVet" and a few other "Blogging Bubbleheads" also woulda partaken of this epicurean delight (or gastrointestinal disaster).



...and SubVet said; "Now THAT is a breakfast! They went kinda "light" on adding the whiskey though. Figured your comments section was still FUBAR so I didn't put anything there."

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Well Sir, my buddy "The Chief" sent his opinion regarding the recovering Congresswoman. Couldn't agree more!!!

"Shot in the head less than a week ago, U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords opened her eyes briefly for the first time Wednesday, with her husband, her parents and other members of Congress in the room.

And I also heard that Nancy Pelosi was one of those people present when poor Gabby opened her eyes for the first time.

Can you imagine being shot in the head, being unconscious for days, finally opening your eyes and the first thing you see is... Nancy Pelosi?! If it were me, I'd probably assume I'd died and gone to hell. And when I realized I had not, I probably would wish that I had. UGH!"

The voice of Reason and Common Sense.

Well worth the few minutes it will take to watch this.

Sarah Palin: "America's Enduring Strength" from Sarah Palin on Vimeo.

The old " Diesel Boats". A true and funny story bout a Coffee Pot.

...and like old saying used to go; "It went over like a fart on a Submarine!"


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...a look back. I originally posted this true story back in "07" but I've had some requests to post it again, so here t'is, OH MAN! I'M IN REAL DEEP SHIT NOW!



Well Sir...as of late...several of my close feller bloggers have been humorously nostalgisizin bout funny past experiences in their live...so here's a true account of something I did while stationed about the submarine the USS Piper SS409.....most of you old bubbleheads will probably enjoy this story....and hopefully ....ya won't be able to relate to it frum experience.....

Now...fer you folks that aren't in the know... at first this story might get a little boring and technical...but it's necessary for me to explain some things to y'all so's ya will understand just what was happenin....bear with me please. On the old fleet boats (WWII Submarines)..all the various water and sewage piping drained into the Sanitary Tanks...things like the sinks, showers, coffee urn, heads (toilets), urinals, skuttlebutts (drinking fountains) and few other extraneous systems having to do with water/sewage.

Now Sir...this tank had to be emptied (blown) overboard just about everyday during a certain duty watch...and there was a very explicit way to do this that entailed closing every valve..frum every line and every pipe that ran into the Sanitary tanks throughout the entire Boat....and there was a check-list that y'all had to use to make sure you had in fact closed every single drain valve in the boat.

Once all the drain valves goin to the Sanitary Tanks were closed...the sailor would then proceed to a pressurization station in the After Battery compartment...and open several other valves...one of them being the "Outer" Sanitary Tank valve...this being the underwater valve that was outside the boat. Once completed...he would then pressurize the Sanitary tank by putting 20 lbs of compressed air pressure into it.... thus flushing all sewage out of the tank and overboard into the ocean. Now y'all can see why all the other valves had t'be shut first....so's nuthin could blow back up the lines. I know this has been kinda boring to y'all....but stay with me.......

Now Sir...I had done this procedure many ....many times...and had never had a problem...but on this particular evening...sumthin went wrong. One could tell when the Sanitary Tank was emptying out by watchin a "Yarway" guage on the bulkhead (wall)...and when the tank was empty...you would secure the blow by turning off the air pressure....close a couple a valves at this station...and Re-open all the drain valves throughout the boat.

Well Sir, on this one disasterous and infamous evenin...I put 20 pounds a pressure in there as yur supposed to...and nuthin happened! The guage didn't budge. Tapped the guage...nuthin. Re-adjusted all the valves at that station...nuthin. OK...now what? Well...what the hell...let me give it 25 pounds of pressure....still nuthin. Godamnit...what the f*#k is goin on here? Checked all the immediate valves to make sure that they were in the correct positions....gave the system another 25 pound shot....nuthin. OK you SOB...here's 30 pounds a pressure......take that.....nuthin. The guage wasn't droppin one iota......

Totally flummoxed....I re-re-checked evrythin agin...gave it pressure....still nuthin. OK...damn you...y'all wanna play rough...here's 40 f*#kin pounds a pressure (twice the amount yur sposed t'use). Ah Ha...the guage jumped and then started goin down...the tank was finally emptying. At about that same moment in time...a crewmember nicknamed "Wingnut" cause a his big ears...came running through the After Battery yelling "SECURE THE BLOW....SECURE THE BLOW"!

I immediately shut the pressure valve off, looked at "Wingnut"....and asked.."what's wrong?" He looked at me...and with a broad-ass grin goin frum one a his huge ears to the other said... "Man...I'm real glad I ain't you". What are y'all talkin bout I asked agin. Now.....laughin uncontrolably and holdin his sides....Wingnut barely got it out that I needed get into the Crew's Mess right away..."the COB wants to see you"......

Now fer those a you unfamiliar...the COB is the "Chief of the Boat"...the most senior and experienced enlisted man on a submarine...he's next to God...his power is legendary....even the Captain listens to him when he speaks. Now...the COB on our boat was a grizzly old character named Joe Negri...and it was said that he'd been in the Navy so long that he had been First Mate on Noah's Ark... and he ate torpedo explosives fer breakfast and washed it all down with diesel oil....this guy was in the Navy when the ships were made of wood...and the men were made of steel...y'all gettin a mental picture yet....?

Now Sir....when I entered the Crew's Mess....I was greeted with a scene very reminiscent of....



...the only difference was that the bear...otherwise known as the COB....Joe Negri...the most Senior Chief Petty Officer in the United States Navy....was standin there with a coffee cup danglin from his hand and he was completely covered in SHIT!...frum his head to his toes...shit was drippin of his weathered old chief's hat, his nose, his chin, his ears, his eyebrows, his belt buckle..everywhere. The crews mess and galley was covered in shit...the deck was covered in shit....and when I seen what I had done....and the look on the COB's face....I almost added somemore shit to the scene myself via the back a my pants.

Well Sir...once old Joe got done tearin this here bubblehead a brand new asshole and callin me names I ain't never heard of before...or since...he stormed outta the Mess Hall bellowin t'me over his shoulder that he damned sure wasn't through with me yet....

There was dead silence fer a few seconds after he stormed through the hatch inta the Control Room...then...all the crew members who had been in the Mess Hall when the proverbial shit hit the fan...or rather the COB...broke into hysterical laughter.

Some crew members told me that the scene of the shit explosion occurred somthin like this....

Several guys were sitting in the galley quietly havin a cup a coffee when they heard a very loud noise that sounded like "Sproing!" (that was the sound of the drain line valve from the coffee urn to the Sanitary Tank breaking under double it's intended pressure). At about the same time...the COB happened to come around the corner to get a cup of coffee...he put his coffee cup under the serving spicket on the urn and pulled it....KABLOOM....shit that was bein pushed by 40 pounds of pressure...hit the bottom of his coffee cup and exploded up and out like Mt. Vesuvius and instantly covered him from head to toe....then shit continued to blast into the galley through the still open spicket and the broken glass tubes on the front of the urn. They said that the COB had the most horrified, puzzled, surprised, disgusting, confused and angry expression on his face...all at the same time...that they couldn't even mimic what his face looked like. The rest is history.......

Now...it don't take genius to figure out just who had to clean up all the shit. The coffee urn...a total loss...oh it was fixed and cleaned...but ain't nobody would ever drink outta it after that...includin me....the boat had t'get a new one.

Now Sir....I originally stuck t'my story that I had only used the required 20 pounds a pressure...nuthin more. Musta been a faulty valve said I. This always left a doubt in some minds as to just how much I was to blame fer the whole thing....

Well Sir...now...for the first time in 42 years...I'm finally fessin up. Joe...if'n yur out there somewhere readin this....I apologise to y'all fer all the shit I gave ya (sorry...couldn't resist).....and I deserved every "shit" detail and wurk assignment y'all gave me fer the next three months...as well as how ya restricted me to the boat with no leave or liberty....as well as all the chippin & paintin assignments ya gave me...as well as all the extra watches I had to stand....and the extra "Mess Cookin"(KP) duties....and the "bilge watches"...and all the ass chewin's that followed...no sir...I deserved it all Joe...and may God Bless ya where-ever you may be......you were a man's man.
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A day or so ago I posted this here joke about how we used to hate it when this happened when you were submerged. Well Sir, this here cartoon is what it looks like at the Diving Station of a Nuclear Sub (first pic under the cartoon).





Now Sir, on the old WWII class diesel boats like I served on, the diving station was on the Port (left) side of the boat and you actually faced the side of the boat. The wheel on the right side of the picture controled the Bow Planes and the other wheel controled the Stern Planes. The various gauges indicated, among other things, your depth, "bubble" (degrees up angle or down), etc..



This photo in Red Light is on the Diving Station when you are running on the surface AT NIGHT. It was kept in Red light so that if it was necessary for a person to go up and outside onto the Conning Tower bridge, their eyes would already be accustomed to a darkened light and would take less time to adjust to the darkness.



This Diving Station was located in the Control Room. **CLICK TO ENLARGE** this internal diagram so you can see the Control Room (under the Conning Tower).



"Diesel Boats Forever" by Tommy Cox.

...and yes, it was that cramped on those boats!




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...and Vigilis commented; "DBF - Excellent!!!"

...and "Charlie The Cop" commented; "Got to hand it to you cookie for the balls to repeat it. I'd deny it."

Some Tuesday tidbits of humor.

Independent Front Suspension explained so's men can understand the concept.

*Read first, *then watch the Nissan Commercial

If you are considering a Nissan Pathfinder or any other car with an 'independent front suspension', this little commercial should prove to be most helpful in understanding the concept before making your purchasing decision.

An 'independent front suspension' system, is when one front wheel of a vehicle hits a bump or pothole, will move up or down to compensate while the other wheel remains steady. Both wheels are independent of each other, and hence the expression.

Watch the attached video all the way to the end.

It is a German commercial for the Nissan Pathfinder. This gives a moving experience which should benefit your understanding of this marvellous piece of engineering.

It's arguably the best explanation I've ever seen.

P.S. The Germans obviously have much better ads than we do, don't you agree?

ve gates.


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HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2011 LAUGHTER ALWAYS

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck.." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked..

"To get my teeth!"
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One liners.....

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty , you are bound to lose it eventually '

Snow in the forcast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and Mexicans were not the correct answers.
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Hmmmm, I'll bet this senior was "The Chief".

Two businessmen in Illinois were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing
well... only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with us!

...and "The Chief" commented; "Just one of the many anecdotes from my life... I don't know how you found out about it though...."
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...and here be a couple of real "Awwwe Shit" moments.

Hoooorah!!!

Cody's school principle wouldn't let him ride his bike with his American flag on it during the Veterans Day school week. Look what happened and who rode to school with him a few days later!

Thanks "Charlie The Cop" fer send'n me that one!






...and Don frum "Dons_Mind said; "that's awesome! best way to make a point! good job!!!!"
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I used to hate it when this happened!

Monday Mania.

"Chicago Charlie" frum out Illinois way sent me this very heart warm'n Christmas story that I wish I had earlier so's I coulda shared it with Y'all around Christmas time.

Little Melissa

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Christmas.

'Since Christmas Day is to celebrate Jesus's birth, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a Christmas card?

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Christmas card to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock.

'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Christmas card, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and sent Christmas cards to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard!'

'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the mother fucker.'
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Well Sir, me good old High School bud, Ken Blanchard, informed me he was gonna go out and buy a run down "Winter-Rat" so's he could plaster all these Obama bumper stickers all over it!!!
















...and this next one IS DEFINITELY the one I'm gonna get fer my Jalopy!






....and my friend "Charlie The Cop" frum out Illinois way informed me that he recently purchased an "All Terrain Vehicle". Here be a photygraff of it.


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...a great scene frum "The Bear".



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...a look back at Cookie's most memorable moment in 2010.

Found this here video on YouTube regard'n a persons ride in the B-17 "Liberty Belle". Been There-Done That! Only it was over Syracuse, NY in the same B-17.



Cookie's stills taken on Sunday, July 25th, 2010 in the Liberty Belle.

http://thecookshack.blogspot.com/2010_07_25_archive.html