Thursday, August 30, 2007

Here's some GREAT news.....

Being an avid supporter of Fred Thompson for President, I'm very pleased to be able to inform you that Fred will be officially announcing his candidacy for President of the United States very shorty....

Here's the letter I received this evening from his campaign headquarters......

Dear Friends,

On September 6, 2007, Fred Thompson will be announcing his intention to run for President of the United States with a webcast available to millions at The launch of the video will be followed by a five-day campaign tour through Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. On the evening of the 6th, there will also be a National House Party, during which there will be a conference call with Fred.

We enter this campaign in a strong position. Fred is consistently near the top in the polls, and conservatives across the country have put together the closest thing to a draft in recent presidential campaign history in an effort to bring about this day. The next few weeks will only serve to build upon those efforts, with house parties, visits to the early primary states, and a homecoming in Lawrenceburg, TN on the 15th. To view the dates and locations of Fred's bus tour, please click here, and check back soon for more information on attending one of these events.

By announcing via webcast, Fred is able to take his consistently mainstream conservative message directly to the voters, who are already responding to that message with a strong upwelling of grassroots support. The webcast and the following campaign tour will play to Fred’s strengths, a consistent record of conservatism, his ability to clearly spread his message, and his ability to work with and connect with Americans from all walks of life. Be apart of this historic occasion by signing up to host or attend a house party today.


Bill Lacy
Manager, Friends of Fred Thompson, Inc.

...Go Fred Go......

Friday funnies.......


Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, although I 'm certain that's completely irrelevant.

Now Sir...this certainly does wurk...specially if'n ya get to #7........

Stress management

Whenever you are having a rough day, try this stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. You can feel both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "The World".

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad... How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now".

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years".

Tiger says, "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole".

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, - when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night".

Why Men love Boobs (Fer Men Only...but some of you women-folk might also get a kick outta this)... Turn Sound On.


Wednesday, August 29, 2007


OK Mate....aside from audience plants and delayed camera tell me how in the hell he does this....

...and a few good laff's or two here.....

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A story bout 2 houses....verified as true...

Well good buddy "fish" frum down Kentucky way sent me this interestin tidbit of information...and because there is so much possible bullshit floatin around the internet these days, I "Snoped" this article and it was verified as TRUE....

House #1

A 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas.
Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house, all heated by gas.

In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400/mo. in natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not situated in a Northern or Midwestern "snow belt" area. It's in the South.

House #2

Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer.

The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern.
Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville, Tennessee; it is the abode of the
"environmentalist" Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas; it is the residence
of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

The fact of the matter is simply this.... Al Gore ain't walkin his talk.....

...its also my understandin that anuther inconvenient truth regardin "Mr. Environmentalist" himself...Al that he owns stock in a company that sells "Carbon Footprint Off-Sets" which regular folks like you and I can buy into to "cancel" our "Carbon Footprint" on this planet... all fairness...I can't seem to verify or not that report...but if would appear that Mr. Gore is padding his retirement....

What do y'all think????

Wednesday Wanks.... Which is the greatest ASS??

....Warnin...there be some ADULT CONTENT (Nudity) ahead...

Now Sir....these are the 3 finalists fer the World's Greatest Ass competition...Miss Iowa...Miss Florida....and Miz New York (in that order)....

...who would you vote fer???

When Insults Had some Style and Class:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." --
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend. . . If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. . . followed by

Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend
second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." --
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." --
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." --
Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston replied,
"Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"

Lady Astor also once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Sir Winston, you're drunk!" To which, Winston replied, "Yes, Madam, I am. And you're ugly! But in the morning, I will be sober. And you will still be ugly!"


A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the
plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black
Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the
dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he is a DEA agent And that the dog is
a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent
says: "Watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search".

Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then
returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: "That
woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat" replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab
sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to
its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm.
The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making
a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down
for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into
the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man is really grossed out by this behavior and can't
figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he
asks the agent "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

In a small town, the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again.

But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher.

The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education.

However, she did not want to stay lonely for the rest of her life, so she agreed, and they were married.

After the marriage she went to the mikvah (a ritual bath to cleanse impurities). Then she went home to prepare to light candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it's good to have sex." So they did.

She then lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father told me that after lighting the candles it's good to have sex." So they did.

They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke he said to her, "My grandmother said that before you go to the synagogue it's good to have sex." So they did.

After praying all morning, they came home to rest, and again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather says after praying it's good to have sex." So they did.

On Sunday she went out to shop for groceries and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"

She replied, "Well, he is no scholar, but he sure comes from an exceptionally smart family."

Tuesday PotPourri.....

Well buddies "Fish" and Charlie B both sent this here office memo....must be they wurk in the same office....

Memo to ALL Staff:

I have compiled a Master Reference binder for all staff.

Inside this binder you will find "solutions" to everyday problems.

If you are having problems with the photocopier, having difficulty dealing with co-workers, having computer problems...please come and get the red binder and it will help you through your issue.



While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded

The cop stammered, "A what?............

A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00

Court Costs $45.00

Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS

For everything else, there's MasterCard!


....Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen up, Buddy. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it."

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,

"'No kidding. I'm a lawyer, too. What firm are you with?"

....thanks mucho Sue fer the cop joke......

Monday, August 27, 2007

Regarding Michael Vick's plea deal....

Well maybe this is the Law firm that Michael Vick shoulda had....

I'm Baaaaackkk......

Well Sir....been really sick fer a week or so, and just now feelin like doin somemore bloggin...

...and THANK YOU all for your e-mails, comments and phone calls inquiring about my health...I surely do preciates it.....

I'll get sumthin good up tomorrow......