Sundries

Will Rogers said these things back in the 1930's....and they're still just as true today....he was a wise man.

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.


10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:

When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Good Advice: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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Things you can say about yur Motorcycle...but not yur woman...



Let's hope this isn't the truth....



Lately...I can relate to this.....


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A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He
noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a
mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked,

"What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the
mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the
water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net
them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for
it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked,

"By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said
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S'More PotPourri....

Borrowed this analogy frum "The Chief".....



































I know that there be a slew of comments that one could make about the above comparisons....but I'll leave that up to Y'all. Be nice now....
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Here be some "Cookin Tips" frum two famous kitchen icons....Martha and Maxine...




MARTHA: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.

MAXINE: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!



MARTHA: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

MAXINE: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.


MARTHA: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

MAXINE: Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!


MARTHA: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

MAXINE: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'


MARHA: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

MAXINE: Celery? Never heard of it!


MARTHA: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

MAXINE: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.


MARTHA: Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

MAXINE: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!


MARTHA: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

MAXINE: Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.


MARTHA: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

MAXINE: Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!
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That also happened to me once in College. She was looking for cocktail sausages but found Knockwurst instead....


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OK ladies....guess what I'm talkin about......


To make it stand,
You wet it !

To make it wet,
You suck it !

To make it stiff,
You lick it !

To get it in,
You push it!

Damn !

Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!

....and just what pray tell were Y'all thinkin???
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...actually...this ain't a bad idear and has some merit.....

PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents your Dr office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar rapist won't stick around... After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. remember also,to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there ...... This is something that should really be shared with everyone.

Could also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.
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Hmmmm....maybe there is sumthin to this here Global Warmin thing.....



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Just some Thursday PotPourri....

Ya just gotta luv Football Cheerleaders.....

The LSU'S Golden Girls!



The Alabama Crimsonettes




The West Virginia Mountaineers


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Hmmm...Well Sir...if nuthin else, Y'all gotta envy the hell outta this guy....


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Now Sir...a little sumthin fer all you good Catholics out there....

NOOKIE GREEN

A man goes to confession in the Catholic Church...

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month".

The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven go out and say three
Hail Mary's."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been
Two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood" the sinner replies.

"Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon,
a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary.

The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest!

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green
shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching
green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I think
it's just the reflection off her shoes."...

Make sure you say at least five hail Mary's after reading this!!!!!!
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HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.

It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!!

And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
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Now Sir...the other day, I posted a bunch of various "tips" regardin certain things, and I got such a great responce from folks...well...here be some more.....

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU 'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING .....BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
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My wife is watching me !


Bill stood over his tee shot on the 350 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.

He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner Fred asked, 'What in the world is taking so long?'


'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'

His partner Fred exclaimed.

'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'
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--- Two kids are arguing over whose father, is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid says, 'My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.'

The second kid replies,'Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door.'
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Gotta Thank both Susan Gertson and "Chicago Charlie" fer all the above jokes....
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A rare and VERY admirable attitude...

Well Sir, a few weeks back, through happenstance, I met another blogger who is a retired US Naval Officer. His name is Tom and his blog is Dare2believe.

Liking what I was reading, I placed him into my blogroll. Yesterday, his post was about all the daunting and extremely difficult challenges facing whomever our next president elect was gonna be.

After listing an itinerary of all the various domestic and world problems our next President will face, he ended his blog-post with a statement that, in truth, I haven't heard a quite a long time.

His statement was:

"I just thought you’d like to know, that for me at least, the "deeply divided America" part stops today. Because whoever wins today, he shall receive from me, the support this seemingly insurmountable job will require from all of us.

May God Bless America."


This is reflective of a patriotic ideal and attitude that was present when I was a young man growing up. Our President, regardless of his party affiliation or policies, deserves the support of every good American. This is at the core of what America is about, "One Nation, Under God."

Anyone who reads my blog with any regularity at all knows that I was not, in any way, shape, form or manner, an Obama supporter, but now, THE PEOPLE have spoken.

Because I was so impressed with this concept that seems to have gotten lost and forgotten over the years, I wanted to share this very admirable sentiment with all my readers, and maybe, just maybe, we can begin to eliminate the divisiveness that has plagued our great Nation for some time now...one person at a time.

Tom, I truly laud your fine attitude, and thank you for reminding me of something that had gotten lost to me over these past many years.

ADDENDUM: The other night on the O'Reilly Factor, actress Janine Turner from Northern Exposure fame made a comment that I absolutely loved. She stated, "That for an Eagle to fly, it needs both a Left and a Right Wing." Excellent analogy!
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OK Mates...on the lighter side, here be one reason that women might dislike sports....


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Getting priorities straight.....

Borrowed this from Sig... It's well worth a few moments of yur time....



It ain't all about us....
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Election Day...God help us....

OK...Y'all know what to do today, regardless of which candidate you like or your party affiliation, get out and.....

VOTE.
for Mccain/Palin
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One Vote!


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Monday...

Well Sir...we'll start the week by sharin some really good tips regardin certain things with y'all...

1. Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove , set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

2. Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal , mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients , reseal , keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly , cut the tip of the baggy , squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

3. Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store , whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

4. Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits , pancakes , or muffins that were refrigerated , place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

5. Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

6. Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

7. No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

8. Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it. This also works if you put Cayenne pepper into your bird feeder. The birds won't mind one bit, but those theivin little bastard squirrels hate it!

9. Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

10. Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- at DA! -- static is gone.

11. Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

12. Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

13. Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside , just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

14. Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair...

15. Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies , take a small glass fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid , mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

16. Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home', can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains , but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

17. INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS

The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he took the filter over to the sink, ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material - I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. WELL...the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film , but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your clothes soft and static free - t hat nice fragrance too, you know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box, well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to catch fire & potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (& to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out & wash it with hot soapy water & an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long!

How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I'd share!
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Well Sir...now here's a solution that makes sense.....

Dear Fellow Business Owners,

As a the owner of a business who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama will be our next President, and that my taxes and government fees will go up in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Customer will have to see an increase in my prices to them of about 8%. I will also have to lay off 6 of my employees. This really bothered me for a while, as I believe we are family here and didn¢t know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did.I strolled thru the parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on my employees¢ cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem.

If you have a better idea, let me know.I am sending this letter to all Business owners that I know.

Sincerely
Ward
JOOA Corp.

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Hmmmm......No real surprize here is there....


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Now this guy is really a sucker.....

**Click To Enlarge if'n Y'all need to**


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Now Sir...here be a photygraff of a woman with two REALLY BIG BOOB'S...





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"Chicago Charlie" sends us this Bumper Sticker seen in Dallas, Texas ...

I'll keep my freedom, my guns, and my money.

You can keep THE CHANGE.

Vote for McCain/Palin
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