Thursday Thuds. What the Tea Party is NOT about!

Absolutely, Positively and most assuredly there AIN'T NO DOUBT in Cookie's mind that this is what we need on southern border!


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My Wife Asked Me......

My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake."

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM


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A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs'? Who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Marvin got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Marvin, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Marvin replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Marvin's ear, placed his other hand on top of Marvin's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Marvin, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.



After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Marvin, how is your hearing now?"

Marvin answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday."
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NO!! This is NOT what the Tea Party movement is all about!!



I saw this sign on AOL News this morning and just groaned and thought, "Great, the left will have a ball with this one," and sure enough, they are. MSNBC is already having their say about it. I'm sure others will be jumping on the bandwagon shortly.

Every movement/cause in the world has, and unfortunately, always will have extremist fringe elements in their midst, and this sign is a good example. This sign by an Iowa Tea Party group is meant to instill fear and hatred in folks who really don't understand exactly what's happening regarding the trend toward Socialism in our country under the Obama administration.

I am a Tea Party member, and YES, I most certainly believe Obama and most of his ilk and political comrades are socialists and promoting Socialism in our Republic. Van Jones was/is a devout Communist.To me there is NO DOUBT as to this, but this sign is absolutely the wrong way to go about informing folks about Obama's goals and his left/socialist agenda. It makes all of us in the Tea Party look like ignorant uneducated racists and haters. NOT SO!

Almost all the folks I have met thus far in the Tea Party are down to earth patriotic folks with good Christian standards and beliefs. They are folks who are fed up with out of control spending, soon to be higher taxes. Folks who are fed up with backroom political deals that took place when Health Care "reform" was pushed down or throats. Folks who are concerned about "Cap & Trade" and how it will negatively impact them. Folks who are fed up with the massive ILLEGAL immigration problem. They are NOT Racists or Prejudiced against people of color as the NAACP just voted we were. REPEAT, NOT Racists!

It should definitely be noted that the folks that I have met and seen at some of the protests/meetings that have been otherwise and/or have been carrying extreme signage and yelling extreme sayings have, after questioning them for a few minutes turned out be people who are in fact Left wing nutcases who have "infiltrated" the meetings and protests with the express purpose of making us all look bad in front of the media. I don't know if this is the case with this Iowa group or not, but it would appear at this juncture that they are some of the extremists I spoke of earlier. Only a look into their background will tell the true story.

BTW, you'll notice that I did not say "Democrat" infiltrators and that is because I have met a great many Democrats in the Tea Party movement as well as Republicans and Independents. Clear thinking Democrats who see and recognize the threats and what is going on are concerned and upset, as well they should be.

To you Tea Party members reading this, Left Wing and "nutcase" infiltrators ARE present and will do things like this to make us all look bad, so at your next function, look at the person next to you and what kind of sign he/she is carrying. If you have doubts, talk to him or her and after a short time you'll have your answer. Most just cannot bring themselves to say "Obama Sucks".

You may want to ask some other folks to "tone down" or eliminate any extreme rhetoric.

Wednesday Wanks

WISDOM FROM MILITARY TRAINING MANUALS


'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'
- Infantry Journal-
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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
- US.Air Force Manual -
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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'
- General MacArthur -
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'Tracers work both ways.'
- Army Ordnance Manual-
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'Five second fuses last about three seconds.'
- Infantry Journal -
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'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
- Naval Ops Manual -

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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'
- Unknown Infantry Recruit-

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'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.'
- Infantry Journal-

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'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-

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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-

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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
-Unknown Author-

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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter and therefore, unsafe.'
- Fixed Wing Pilot-

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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-

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'Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.'
-Unknown Author-

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'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.'
If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot-

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'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'
-Sign over Control Tower Door-

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'Never trade luck for skill.'
-Author Unknown-

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are:'Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and'Oh S...!'
-Authors Unknown-

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'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
-Basic Flight Training Manual-

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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it..'
- Emergency Checklist-

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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
- Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot) -

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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ-

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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' - Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -

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"Regarding flying, taking off is optional. Coming back down is mandatory!"

Author Unknown, but obviously very smart.
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'

The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
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YES, THEY WALK AMONG US

Why our country is in trouble????

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa .''

His response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!''

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.''

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, I looked into it. (I was dying laughing.) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. An aide for Senator John Kerry (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from AL who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) LA Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a 'Rhino' anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the State of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!

Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED, and even more scary, THEY VOTE!
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**Sigh**, I'll let y'all make whatever comment ya want about this here video.

Ok, Cookie is gonna try real hard to resist make'n a comment about a little pecker and a set of boobs.....

Monday mania..

Well Sir, Susan Gertson gets our week started on a humorous note with "NewsBusted" by Jodie Miller.



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Texas woman tells it like it is. "Have a Happy Period".

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin, Texas woman sent to
Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2007 Editors'


Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail.

"Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for
over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm
guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.
As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings
me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'





Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though
I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . ...

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX "
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"All right yuse guys break it up! If we get called back here again, one of ya's is gonna go to jail."