Sunday Sundries.....

Well Sir....maybe this first photygraff will help explain why there be so much shit happenin in the Middle-East....

...and here's why ya don't piss yur girlfriend off if'n she owns a backhoe....

Now Sir...ya know its gonna be a bad day when ya see this in the mornin....

...and to this Cookie's knowledge...this guy is only the third person in history to do this...

Liberals beware....ya been warned....

Yarrrrr...matey's. The Pirate Armada returns....spreadin fear, confusion, honesty and consternation throughout the Moonbat Sea's and the Liberal Lee's......

Just fer Laughs.....

Well Sir...there be some truth in all these here sayin's and quotations...

RESTROOM SIGNS
______________________
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men /Women's restroomStarboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away. /Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time,and time is a waste of life,then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives./Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. /The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit./Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry. /Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. /Written in the dust on the back of a bus,Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.-Hell, do both GET MARRIED! /Women's restroomThe Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. /Revolution Books New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! /Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less /Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him. Sign over mirror in Women's restroom/Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone. /Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA

~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one~~~

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. Women's restroomDick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
_________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. _____________________________
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. ______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
______________________________

Subject: A Last Request

The former Senate Chaplain, an old priest, lay dying in hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Senator's Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response.

Soon the word arrived, Senator's Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Hilary commented to Teddy, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT." Kennedy agreed--it was a good thing.

When they arrived , the priest took Ted's hand in his right and Hillary's hand in his left. They were silent and a look of serenity came upon the old priest's face. Finally Senator Kennedy spoke.

"Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen" said Teddy.

"Amen" said Hillary.

The old priest murmered...

"He died between two lying thieves ...... I want to do the same."

Here be some cute reads.....

Well Sir...my new buddy Charlie B, who's also a retired cop frum out Chicago way, sent these to me today...I think you'll enjoy them......

Real Classified Ads

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES..
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat . Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA P EACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica,
45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer. No longer needed,
Got married last month.
Husband knows everything.
_____________________________

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.

It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

They don't say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog."
__________________________

....and frum me good bud "Fish" down Kentucky way came this humorous (but true) story...

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man said.

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him and knocked him flat on his ass.

The man said, climbing back up to the bar, "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied, "you're in HORSE country."

The Camp "Coosie"....

No Sir....tain't no spellin mistake....the wurd be "Coosie"....that was anuther name fer the Chuck Wagon cook on cattle drives....Coosie (No smart ass comments please...I can just see's em comin now)

I posted a post similar t'this bout a year ago...so I thought I'd re-post most of it agin fer ya.....



I was perusin round the blogosphere and come across this here website with a similar name as mine..."Cook Shack"...so's I checked it out. Now this here feller had a great soundin recipee fer "Rattlesnake Chili"...so much so's that I wanted t'go out and kill me a Rattlesnake...ceptin we don't have too many of them critters here in upstate New York...so I continued lookin around his site and found some "Cowboy Poetry".

After read'n a verse or two of this one poem...I know'd immedjiately that this here poet...Baxter Black... was definately describe'n my poor deceased (God Bless his soul) Great Grandpappy.... Camp Cookie. Now...Great Grandpappy Camp Cookie was nice anuff t'pass all a his cookin secrets down through the family (some a which are mentioned in the poem)...and I still uses them to this very day....here's the poem that eulogizes him....

The Camp Coosie.

He's the tumble weed chef and rides the wagon ahead of the thunderin' herd.
His pots and pans clack like a diamondback's rattle, he growls or he don't say a word.

His face is a roadmap, Looks like a carcass hung to many days in the sun.
He smells like a mule and cooks with a shovel and his fly is always undone.

The riders kin tell when he's in the kitchen--the buzzards all come into view.
He spits in the pan and shaves in the taters and clips his toe-nails inta the stew.

His gunpowder biscuits explode in the fire; his beans explode in your bowels.
His medda lark souffle is hard on the belly; they say it tastes 'bout like owls.

His coffee's so rank a housefly won't touch it, even buckshot float in the slop.
You don't pour a cup, you twist off a swaller,then chew a sip offa the top.

Now, cowboys are tough guys who face death each dayin blizzards or stampedes or storms.
They ride them bad horses and sleep with the snakes and duel with the hooves and horns.

But many a cowboy who follered the wagon has joined the "last roundup club.
"Not from indians, gunfights, or even bad whiskey,but from eatin' Camp Coosie's grub...

Baxter Black
Yupper....that's m'Great Grandpappy.......

Some European Cuisine...Fish Stew...

Well Sir....I got this here recipe' frum my good buddy Gert over in Great Britain. Gert and his wife had a restaurant in a resort area of Great Britain, so he obviously knows his way around a kitchen.....

...and here be one a his Fish Stew recipe's that was quite popular with the folks.....and it sure do sound good....

Prep time: five mins


Cooking time: about 25 mins


Serves about four:





-8 oz of mixed fish (per person): tiger prawns, salmon and cod or haddock (substitute latter with Fishus Whateverus, if you like)-


-1 - 2 cloves of garlic.

-2 glasses of decent white cookin' wine.

-about two glasses of good fish stock.
(Cooking liquor from mussels is ideal. )

-1 tablespoon of tomato puree.

-1 teaspoon of good quality, runny mustard.

-good squeeze of lemon juice.

-some double cream.


Method:- lightly fry coarsely chopped garlic- add 1 glass of wine, stock, tomato puree, mustard and lemon juice, put on medium heat- start sipping second glass of wine and cook the mixture through. This is mainly to drive off the alcohol and vinegar (from the mustard)-

Add tiger prawns and cook till almost done- add rest of fish and cook till almost done-

Remove prawns and fish from liquor with a slotted spoon and set aside in warmish oven-

Add cream to liquor. The quantity is quite optional and to taste- season the liquor to taste and reduce it till you've got a good pouring consistency: not to thin, not to thick.

Now's a good time to polish off the first glass of wine!-

Add fish and prawns and homogenise

Serve in bowls with good bread for dunking & soppin...!


Variation: add one or two ringed leaks right at the beginning and lightly fry them off with the garlic. Proceed as above. Enjoy!

Wednesday Wanks....

Donation Please

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington, D.C. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man Knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What Happened? What’s the hold up?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $10 million ransom.

If they don’t get it they are going to douse them with gasoline and set Them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection. Would you like to give anything?”

The driver asks, “On average how much is everyone giving?”

“About a gallon.”
_________________________


Shameless Puns:

-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He is all right now.
-The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
-To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
-When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
-The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
-The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
-The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
-A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
-What's the definition of a will? It is a dead giveaway.
-A bicycle cannot stand alone; it is two tired.
-Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-In a democracy, it is your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.
-A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
-If you do not pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
-When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
-The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine has been fully recovered.
-A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
-You are stuck with your debt, if you can't budge it.
-A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
-A boiled egg is hard to beat.
-He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
-Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
-When you have seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
-When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she would dye.
-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
-Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
-Acupuncture is a jab well done
_____________________________

....and How Men use Post it's......





Hat Tips to Sue Gertson and Charlie B fer sending some a this inta me....

A true Hero......

Well Sir....I'd much rather write and post articles about fine wonderfull hero's like this man than about oxygen wastin trash like Rosie O'Donnell......

God Bless you fine Sir.....I'm sure God has a very special place for you in His house....

Slain VT Professor Saves Students: Hero & Holocaust Survivor

Let the name of Professor Liviu Librescu be known for all time as a hero. Dr. Librescu survived the Holocaust and the Soviet labor camps. God spared his life from the two greatest evils of the 20th century, but chose to call him home at the hands of another evil. His sacrifice should never be forgotten.

Be prepared for tears.........
JPost:

Professor Liviu Librescu, 76, threw himself in front of the shooter when the man attempted to enter his classroom. The Israeli mechanics and engineering lecturer was shot to death, "but all the students lived - because of him," Virginia Tech student Asael Arad - also an Israeli - told Army Radio.

Several of Librescu's other students sent e-mails to his wife, Marlena, telling of how he blocked the gunman's way and saved their lives, said Librescu's son, Joe.

"My father blocked the doorway with his body and asked the students to flee," Joe Librescu said in a telephone interview from his home outside of Tel Aviv. "Students started opening windows and jumping out." Hero.

Here is Dr. Librescu's VT homepage.

I suspect that as the horrifying events at Virginia Tech become clearer, that we will learn of many similar heroic acts.

Article borrowed frum The Jawa Report.......

A Pig-Sty called "The View"...and An Attitude of Gratitude....

Well Sir....I fully realize that The Cookshack is just a small, insignificant little blog in the hundreds of thousands of blogs out there, but it is a venue fer this here Cookie to make his feelin's known to those regular readers that I have.....

Many a year back, I worked with a bunch a folks, who by nature of the job...Police wurk...tended to be mostly a negative group of men and women. Trust me....the job does that to ya.....

I would notice that I would go to work with an upbeat, positive attitude and most nights would come home in a foul and negative mood. At first I blamed it all on the scumbags and assholes I was dealing with and arresting daily......but ya know...I discovered it wasn't all that element. Much of it was my brother/sister Officers.....

At that time in my life I had a very wise and honest mentor....and one evening over coffee, he told me that I needed to maintain "an Attitude of Gratitude", and stop feeding into all the negative crap that I was around all day. He told me to find good, positive folks to be with...and I also would begin to have a more positive outlook on life....and man....was he right.....

Where am I goin with all a this here philosophy..... where the photygraff suggests....Rosie O'Donnell.

I don't recall ever seeing such a hatefull and negative TV personality in my life. The woman is just filled with anger and hate....and puts her garbage out there under the heading of "opinion" and "fact".

Since much of what she spews comes under "Freedom of Speech", and rightfully so....and since NBC is obviously very reluctant to let her go (cause they be makin money off'n her)...here's what I suggest fer anyone readin this who might watch boorish bitch on any sort of regular basis....

STOP WATCHING HER....AND BEGIN TO MAINTAIN AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE.

Get away frum all her negative influence and marginalize her and her hate filled negative diatribes.....

Surround yurself, and associate with, positive folks...and my friends...Rosie does not fit that definition......

Start watchin more positive and uplifting programs. Get out of all the negative mud and shit of the pigpen that's called "The View"....

You'll be glad you did.......Cookie....

Yet Again......*sigh*.....

Horror at Virginia Tech

From MSNBC:

BLACKSBURG, Va. - A gunman opened fire in a dorm and classroom at Virginia Tech on Monday, killing 21 people in the deadliest campus shooting in U.S. history. The gunman also was killed.
Update: Fox News is now reporting 32 dead; AP reports 31, with 29 wounded.

Update II: The discrepancy was caused by Fox counting the shooter in the death toll. Current toll stands at 31 dead (plus the shooter), 29 wounded. Witnesses have described the gunman as an Asian male in his twenties.

Borrowed frum Bluto.....

Take a moment of silence please........
_________________________________

....and frum Hillbilly White Trash.....

The high price of feel-good legislation
From WorldNetDaily:

More than one year before today's unprecedented shooting rampage at Virginia Tech, the state's General Assembly quashed a bill that would have given college students and employees the right to carry handguns on campus.

At the time, Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker said he was happy to hear of the bill's defeat, according to the Roanoke Times."I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus," the Virginia Tech spokesman said.

The proposal, House Bill 1572, was initiated by Del. Todd Gilbert, R-Shenandoah County, on behalf of the Virginia Citizens Defense League.But the bill didn't make it through its first stage, the House Committee on Militia, Police and Public Safety.The Roanoke paper said most universities in Virginia require students and employees, other than police, to check their guns with police or campus security upon entering campus.

Backers of the bill wanted to prohibit public universities from making "rules or regulations limiting or abridging the ability of a student who possesses a valid concealed handgun permit ... from lawfully carrying a concealed handgun."[. . .]In the spring of 2005, a Virginia Tech student who had a concealed handgun permit was disciplined for bringing a handgun to class.

Second Amendment groups questioned the university's authority, but the Virginia Association of Chiefs of Police argued against guns on campus.In June 2006, Virginia Tech's governing board approved a violence prevention policy that reaffirmed the school's ban.

How many of the 32 (and possibly more) dead would still be alive if the Virginia legislature had upheld the constitutional rights of Virginia's college students and employees? Instead they chose the route of hollow left-wing sanctimony by willfully blinding themselves to the fact that anyone evil enough or crazy enough or fanatical enough to be willing to commit mass murder would certainly have no problem with ignoring a "no guns on campus" law.

The state legislators who voted to keep the students on Virginia's college campuses disarmed and helpless before any predator wanted to be able to pat themselves on the back and brag about how they had made Virginia "safer".Well the cost of their phony self esteem is there for all to see. More than thirty dead bodies and more than twenty injured.

The blood spilled today is partly on the hands of those politicians and the pro gun control activists and law enforcement administrators who supported them and may they spend eternity in the deepest pits of hell paying for it.