Sunday. A great post and "The Ultimate Cruise!"
My "buddy" "the Chief" recently busted Cookie's nuts (after I nicely asked him not to BTW) by posting a certain photygraff in one of his recent posts. Since he doesn't want to play nice, and I'm sure he knows there will always be payback from Cookie, I thought I'd share a personal and private story he confided in me some time back about.....
My first Condom by "The Mohawk Chieftain"
"I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16. I went in to buy a packet of
condoms at Bolger's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a
store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there
was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Dolores) knew what they were
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was
really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked
if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She
cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure
I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see
if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door and
locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?'
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth
open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was
slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a
desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer
hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. "Did you put that condom on Chief?" she
asked. I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
Then she beat the shit out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to understand."
WOW!! My wife and I have been very fortunate over the years to be able to take several cruises to various places on the planet, Alaska, East and West Caribbean, Hawaii, Mexico to name a few, but this...
is without a doubt THE ABSOLUTE ULTIMATE CRUISE fer this old Sailor and his wife!!
...and it's very affordable. I'm sure there are quite a few of y'all who'd absolutely enjoy the hell outta this cruise, especially all you old Gyrene's, Seabee's and just about any old Military folks!! Bring the kids, they'd have one hell of a time also.
Sponsored by "Somali Coast Adventures"
Seriously! Check it out!!
My friend Richard from Kentucky sent me this and I really liked it. It sums up quite a few of my feelings regarding the present state of our country.
THE FORGOTTEN MAN. by Jon McNaughton.
Raed the Signs and follow directions;
Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Obama.
It will be named the “Union Worker”.
It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.
Gotta Thank Patrick fer that one.
"Dapper Dan" said; "Re the Chief's incident: They say experience is the best teacher!
The piece on the artist is fascinating and the painting captures what most of us feel about the lunkhead in office now.
The one about the signs reminded me of a story about the college where I worked for many years. The prez was an animal lover and any stray dog who came on campus was welcomed with food, shelter, etc. Naturally, the dogs stayed. They (about 5 or 6 of them) liked to roam around all over campus but their homebase was the student center/cafeteria. They got to be a nuisance around the food, etc. and after awhile someone complained to the health dept. After that a sign was put up at the cafeteria door which read, "Dogs: Keep Out of Cafeteria!" I guess the thinking was that these were college dogs."
COOKIE said; No offense meant Dan but that is the kind of thing I have come to expect out of academia.
"Dapper Dan" said; "No offense taken, Cookie. I definitely agree."
"The Chief" said; "I can't understand why you keep tellin' folks about my life experiences. I couldn't help it that the condom was too damned small. If the clerk had read the disclaimer, she'd have seen that it said "For Naval personnel use, only. Size: Teenie-Weinie".
COOKIE said; Ahhhem. I guess you fergot mate that the Marine Corps is part of the Navy Department making you (and your ilk) "Naval Personnel", and I don't think it was the condom that "was too damned small".