Saturday, December 08, 2007


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Friday, December 07, 2007

Most Americans are smart folks with a sense of right & wrong... I hope....

Well Sir...I snagged this article frum Newsmax.....( NOT THE PHOTO...that's from me..) .....

The Women Who Don’t Like Hillary

Friday, December 7, 2007 10:27 AM

By: Newsmax Staff.

Hillary Clinton is the first woman in U.S. history with a clear shot at winning the White House, but she’s suffering from a lack of support from what might otherwise be considered a solid Clinton base — upscale, college-educated women.
Surprisingly, polls continue to show that half of college-educated Democratic women do not support Hillary.

These “Hillary resisters” oppose her candidacy for a variety of reasons.

“For some, it’s visceral,” the Los Angeles Times observes.

“While they struggled to break through institutional barriers in the workplace, Clinton hitched her star to her man and followed him to the top. When his philandering imperiled his political career, she not only pulled him out of the fire but helped orchestrate attacks against his accusers.”

For other women, the opposition to the Clinton candidacy is purely political — they are disturbed by Hillary’s support for the Iraq war and her reluctance to take firm stands on some important issues.

On the Huffington Post blog, writer Nora Ephron included herself among the “Hillary resisters” and said these women “don’t trust her as far as you can spit.”

Feminist Jean Lloyd-Jones, a former Iowa legislator who feels Clinton is beholden to corporate interests and would have trouble winning the general election, told the Times: “I would be pleased to have a woman in the oval office, but Hillary Clinton is not my first choice.”

And Clara Oleson, a retired lawyer in Iowa who supports Barack Obama, said she takes offense at the assertions that she should vote for Hillary because she is a woman. “That is a phrase I have fought against my entire life,” she said.

Although Hillary garnered only 50 percent of the vote among college-educated women in an October Los Angeles Times/Bloomberg poll, that was actually an improvement over the 29 percent she collected in a June poll.

And many “Hillary resisters” say that in the end they would vote for Clinton if she does win the Democratic nomination, according to the Times, because “keeping a Republican out of the White House will become the paramount concern for Democrats, Hillary resistant or otherwise.”
Now Sir...I reprinted this to make a personal statement. It's no secret that this man emphatically does not like Hillary Clinton, hence forth to be referred to in this article as "The Hildebeast" or "Shillary", or as one TV talk show host refer's to her as "the Satanic Bitch". I can see someone voting for Shillary because they completely agree with her stand on certain issues. What I cannot fathom is folks who are Democrat, voting for her simply because they themselves are Democrat. Would they also vote for Adolf Hitler simply because he was the Democratic nominee? I'm obviously a Republican, but in the past I've voted a "split ticket" because I did not like what the Republican candidate running for office stood for, or what I perceived to be questionable ethical or moral shortcomings. To vote a straight party line regardless of the candidate is just plain ignorance....

BUT...what really frosts my cajones is when someone like one of my daughters who stated recently, "I'm voting for Hillary because she is a woman and it's about time we had a woman in the Whitehouse." Aaaargghhh.....

I will be the first to state that this nation is ready for a woman president...and, were that woman honorable and ethical, I would readily vote for her....BUT NOT THE HILDEBEAST!

Now come on people...most of you realize that in a great many cases, the old saying "Where there is smoke...there is fire", is right on, and almost certainly must realize that with the dozens and dozens of accusations of criminal acts, wrong doings, investigations and personal vindictiveness and treachery...there just MUST be something there....and Pullleeeaase... don't by into the "It's a vast Right Wing Conspiracy" thing......Think About It.

...I think I know who Monica is votin fer....

...and my good buddy "fish" frum Kentucky sends this little beauty...

A particular USMC sniper was really good at his job, because he had devised an interesting method for drawing insurgents out into range.

He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission his company commander would ask him, 'How many insurgents have you shot today?'

One particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported 'Five killed and I let one go.'

'Let one go?' roared the company commander. 'What do you mean, you let one go?'

'Well, I got myself dug in and yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' This big insurgent popped up and yelled 'Hillary is a Bitch!'

'I just couldn't bring myself to shoot a fellow Republican!'

Addendum: Damn...why didn't I think of this afore....? It wurked SOOO well out in Nebraska... Hat-Tip...A Geezers Corner..

Thursday, December 06, 2007

December 7th, 1941... "A date which will live in Infamy"...

Well Sir...a most somber day. My wife and I have been fortunate enough to have visited this sacred site, and laid a wreath in the outgoing tide.... and as you can see from the picture, she still mourns her dead....


USS Tautog (SS 199) Draws First Blood

Most students of submarine history know that USS Tautog (SS 199) was one of the most successful of the WWII submarines, with 26 enemy ships to her credit. What they may not be aware of is that the Sailors of the Tautog were credited with shooting down one of the first attacking Japanese planes 66 years ago today. From the Tautog's After-Action Report:

On 7 December, 1941 Tautog was moored at pier two U.S. Submarine Base manned by one section of Submarine Division Sixty-One relief crew.

Tautog has returned from a 45-day patrol on 5 December and only one fourth of the regular crew was on board. At 0750 several men on deck observed three planes flying in the general direction of the U.S. Navy Yard from over AIEA fleet landing.

When the first plane dropped a bomb and turned revealing the insignia, it was realized that an attack was being made. General Quarters was sounded immediately and about 0755 the first cal. .50 machine gun was brought into action.

Torpedo planes, some of which passed very close astern of Tautog had commenced an attack on Battleships moored at Ford Island. At about 0758 the fourth plane in line burst into flames with a loud explosion when about 150 feet astern of Tautog. Tracers from the after cal. .50 machine gun and the starboard cal. .30 machine gun were going into the fuselage of this plane at this time. U.S.S. Hulbert was also firing at this plane. It is certain that it was hit repeatedly by Tautog, no other ships in the vicinity had opened fire.

Other after-action reports can be found here, and other good information on the Pearl Harbor attack is here. On this day of remembrance, it's good to take to heart the lesson that we've shown before that we can defeat a seemingly implacable death-worshipping enemy, and we can do it again if we remain united.

...above account borrowed from The Stupid Shall Be Punished, a submariners blog...

ADDENDUM: As most of you know, I was also a Seabee, as well as a Submariner, I'm proud to have been part of both, but I wanted to share with you, that in the The Navy Seabee's theme song, there is a verse that reads, "...and we promise to remember, the 7th of December"...

I ask you all to also remember their brave sacrifice....


Now Sir...This guy speaks my language... and fer me as well...

...AND.. fer those of you this might offend... well...MERRY CHRISTMAS anyhow...


....and this was just too good not to frum Signal94....

In Hot Pursuit

Top this for a speeding ticket...

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph.

Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea.

Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.

Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style:

"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.

Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed.

Good Day..."


...and here be a real cute Christmas wish fer Y'all...sent t'me by Susan Gertson frum down Texas way...and Very Merry Christmas back atcha Missy.....

___________________________________ buddy Sig sent me this real great Winter Poem that was sent to him...and I wanna share it with Y'all so's that ya get an idear just how much class Sig has got....

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.

It was to me, and it's very well written.



a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

"SHIT!! It's freakin Cold..."


She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in.. She turned and said, You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought,'This is my lucky day. Not wanting to lose the moment, he embr aced her and then gave it his all....right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked,'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer is broken'

...and a big Thanks to Sig and Charlie the Cop fer sendin a couple of these here jokes along to the Cookie man....

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Two new Navy Ship's..The USS Reagan, the USS Clinton..and the Marines get shit on...



Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective...................ENORMOUS and BEAUTIFUL!

When the Bridge pipes "Man the Rail" there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement.


Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refueling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years

2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft

3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet.


1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline

2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empir e State Building is tall

3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres

4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds

5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weigh ing 50 tons

6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet


1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel

2. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days

3. 18,150 meals served daily

4. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2000 homes

5. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones

6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets

7. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation

8. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations (Sailor's salaries included).

US Navy welcomes the USS William Jefferson Clinton

Sunday July 2nd, 2007,

Vancouver, BC, Headed for Seattle, WA.,

The US Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today. The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, BC.

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President "Slick Willy" Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president. The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum, and old cigars, and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots.

It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation. They affectionately call their ship "Old BJ".

This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.!

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense, but instead in times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.

The Jayne Carroll Show is a political talk radio program that airs daily in the Portland, Oregon, metropolitan area...

Carroll asked her audience to come up with an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, New York

Carroll's call-in contest required the names to be in relative good taste, to be original, and to capture the essence of one or both of the Clintons .

The response was overwhelming! Some names nominated for the Clinton 's new home included:

Perjurers' Palace
HillBilly Villa
The House of Bill's Repute
Drawers Downs
Cheatem Estates
Sin Simeon
The Knee Pad
The White Trash House
The Blight House
The Panderosa
Liars' Lair
Bill & Hill's Bribe & Breakfast
The Clinton Compost
Dogpatch on the Hudson
The Hen House
The Out House
The Love Shack
The House of Seven Felonies
Motel Sex

But the clear, hands-down winner was--


AND....fer those of ya that enjoyed my Submarine "Shit" story...get yurselves on over to my shipmate's blog... Myrons Random Thoughts and read about a great "crapper" story and some payback to "The Marine's".... it's the 2nd post down...ya cain't miss it.... BUT...make sure y'all come straight back here cause there be some more real good stuff ahead...

Pay Attention Chief and "fits".....

...AND...yet anuther real great OBG site (with plenty of great links) fer y'all to enjoy. Again...just Clicky de Linky...and Turn Up yur Sound....

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The 2008 Upstate, NY Pin-Up Calendar is out.. & some great nostalic Pic's & music..

Well Sir...This here Cookie has been fortunate enuff to get a sneak peek at the 2008 Upstate, New York Pin-Up Calendar....and I'm gonna share it with Y'all.

Oddly enuff it was sent t'me by my good friend Susan G ...from of all places...Eagle Lake, Texas..., this is Miss Gina Elise who's been helpin out our wounded Vets...go see her at Pin-Ups for Vets.... that I got yur complete and undivided's that sneak peek I promised ya of these real...ah..."beauties"....


*sigh*...the more things change...the more they stay the same....

"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor-geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I am readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact."

General Robert E. Lee, 1863

Well Sir....over the past 2 days...we've gotten between 8 & 10 inch's of snow....


OK... Now fer all you folks who grew up in the 50's & 60's and liked great music, fast cars (and even faster women)...pour yurself a cup of Joe, Turn up yur sound, clicky de linky....sit back and take a great nostalgic trip back to those great times....

...I magine that after watchin that...some a you guys are lighten up a smoke and still quiverin a might...

AND a great big Cookshack THANK'S to Jeff Wilson fer sendin that beauty along....

...and...on a sad note...I must bid adieu to a nayboring blog, "Hear O Israel", which my friend Eitan was posting out of Israel. Eitan (Greg) has returned to the United States and feels that his somewhat controversial posts might be misinterpreted, or taken out of context here in the States... Welcome back to the good old US of A mate...

I will be taking this site of my blogroll shortly.....

...and last...but by no means least...The Weaponry Home Shopping Network (Eat yur heart out Fits)....

Go Ahead...Tell me y'all ain't never wanted to do sumthin like this....

...especially to some assclown driving 25 MPH in a 55 zone... Attach a real Deisel Locomotive Air Horn to yur car....

...Orrr...could ya use one a these in yur neighborhood.... I could..


PROVERBS.... as seen by 1st graders....

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented
each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! Their answers are in bold print.

1. Don't change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than Pregnant

Well Sir.. *sigh*...I guess I'll have'ta start my Christmas shoppin tomorrow....

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Actually...I wear a Bathrobe...but you gets the idear ...yupper...although I loves Christmas and all...I really dislikes the traffic, bad drivin conditions, the parkin lots, and the unfriendly pushy crowds...

....Here be an example of the "unfriendly pushy crowds" I'm tawkin about.... this was sent to me by the Chief over at Smoldering Embers... said he video-taped this while visitin Upstate, NY.... I think it mighta even been just outside The Cookshack...

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....Soooo, I discovered about 6 or 7 years back that shoppin frum yur "puter" makes things alot easier. A couple clicks on the mouse...and Voila...a few days later yur item magically appears on yur doorstep... Ain't technology Great!?

Hmmm....never looked at things like this afore....

Male or Female?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

...and on a more serious note, my good buddy "Charlie the Cop" from Chicago sent me this and I'd like to pass it along to all of my Law Enforcement readers, and anyone else who cares to read this...

When Cops Retire.


When a good man leaves the "job" and retires to a better life, many are
jealous, some are pleased and yet others, who may have already retired,
wonder. We wonder if he [she] knows what they are leaving behind, because we
already know. We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie
that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times. We
know in the law enforcement life there is a fellowship which lasts long
after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet. We know even if he
throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that
remains in his frame. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of
what he was, and in his heart, still is.

These are the burdens of the job. You will still look at people
suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and
always will look at the rest of the law enforcement world with a respect for
what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing. Never think for one
moment you are escaping from the life. You are only escaping the "job" and
we are merely allowing you to leave "active" duty.

So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your
heart you never forget for one moment that "Blessed are the Peacemakers for
they shall be called children of God,"
and you are still a member of the
greatest fraternity the world has ever known.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Gather round Men.. I'm gonna help ya to extend yur life.. ADULT topic..

Listen, guys, now we know why Pamela Anderson made her transplants: to make us healthier. "Angels of mercy" like Jordan just prolong our life and Hugh Hefner knows it.

A German research published in New England Journal of Medicine and Weekly World News said that men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

"Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the boob oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommended that men aged over 40 (that's me) should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

She said that this was as healthy as going to the gym for 30 minutes daily and prolonged a man's life by five years.

"We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years." said Weatherby.

This is indeed a very serious reason for men to enjoy without shame those midnight TV shows, download low-budget women-in-prison movies and collect such instructive and health beneficial magazines like Playboy and Hustler.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket fellers..the pictures I have just posted, especially the first one, are guaranteed to have added at least an extra 2 years to yur Life Expectancy.. AND...Y'all can thank my good amigo John Y, over at John's Place fer sendin this valuable medical info along to the Cookie man... of my regular female readers ( her initials are Gayle) suggested that we men are "obsessed with breasts". Well Missy ya see that many of us, who've known about this secret fer many a year, are only takin good healthy care of ourselves so's we can be around this here Earth longer to take better care of y'all longer.....

Now... The Cookie man, like many a blogger...has been known to "Borrow" or "Snag" a photygraff or two from time t'time....AND ALWAYS giving credit, and a link back to, the site the pic was frum.....

However...that cantankerous, cranky old ugly ass Jarhead, The Chief over at Smoldering Embers in a Mohawk Campfire has proposed a new name fer this here Blog....

...He feels that just because I "borrow" sumthin frum his blog every now and agin....I should re-name my blog from "The Cookshack--Gab &
The Cookshack--Gab & GRAB....

Hmmmphhh...and here I went and gave him a real nice compliment yesterday...

However... "Charlie the Cop" frum out Chicago way, being the good detective that he is, and livin in the same State as The Chief, did some investigatin fer me and found a long lost song that The Chief had told me he wrote and sung by hisself. It's about somethin that happened to him one Christmas season when he was younger.... but...bein the Humble person the Chief is, didn't want folks to ackowledge his talents and creativity... Here T'is.....

The Chief's Song... ADULT CONTENT

...AND...several years back, a couple of our kids got t'pokin around our bedroom and discovered that Mommy was Santa Clause....


...and BTW.... Some great news....

The school teacher in Sudan who was jailed for naming a Teddy Bear Muhammad...Mohammed...or however they spells it...has been freed...BUT...

The terrorist's are right... WE MUST STOP THIS WOMEN FROM INSULTING OUR TEDDY BEARS! How dare she insult our wonderful teddy bears with such an evil name! Would you want your teddy bear tarnished with the name of the pervert false prophet muhammed? Might as well call your teddy bear satan or lucifer or beelzebub!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

WARNING...Graphic Video of a female Suicide Bomber's last moments...

Well Sir...let me get this straight. Ya cain't call a cuddly little Teddy Bear Mohammad cause you'll be rewarded by death....but, ya can do something like this and y'all get t'go to paradise and get 72 virgin's...

BTW...this graphic video depicts a female suicide bombers last moments.... and it raises the ever an ever important question......

Do female suicide bombers get 72 virgin men?

Hmmm...might be kinda a tall order, even fer the all powerful pedophile prophet's Allah to fill....

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I'm only gonna leave this up a day or two because of its violent content and because it's distorting my'n yur gonna watch it...Do It Now...

Fer the entire story of this despicable act in Sri Lanka, Got To:

...and fer somethin a little more humorous...The Chief over at Smoldering Embers in a Mohawk Campfire has posted an EXCELLENT, humorous, but sadly true, post about the PC bullshit, and attacks on Christmas by athiest groups and Secular get yurselves on over and read's really well done.... Good job Chief....

Just some Monday monkey business... I know, it's still Sunday...but I was bored..

A big old Cookshack THANKS to "Charlie the Cop" frum out Chi-Town way, and my good bubblehead buddy Myron over at Myrons Random Thoughts fer these jokes....

Many of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens screw around with sheep? I certainly hope this piece of information clears up a lot of things for you!

Now here be one a them "Awww SHIT!" situations....

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit, and while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."

So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

"Hey Mom! You still awake?"


I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now,
but Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
I LOVE THIS NEXT ONE! My favorite lol...

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think Of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Thought for the day

Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant"
is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist".


...Always greatly enjoyed, and got many a good laugh frum Mr. Foster Brooks. I'm sure y'all will as well.....


Coming in Next Post...Dramatic video of a female Suicide Bomber's last moments before goin t'meet Allah.