Saturday, January 19, 2008

Sunday.... Some thoughts fer y'all....

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year - old grandson.

The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and

failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.

When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
"We must do something about father," said the son.

"I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded,

"Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
" The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.

Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,

neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens,

how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:

a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,

you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.

You need to be able to throw something back

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you

But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,

your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I've learned that you should pass this on to everyone you care about .I just did.

....and If'n ya believe in such........I do......



by Catherine Moore

'Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!' My

father yelled at me. 'Can't you do anything right?'

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my

head toward the elderly man in the seat beside

me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in

my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared

for another battle. 'I saw the car, Dad. Please

don't yell at me when I'm driving.' My voice was

measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I

really felt.

Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled

back. At home I left Dad in front of the television

and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark,

heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of

rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to

echo my inner turmoil.

What could I do about him?

Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and

Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and

had reveled in pitting his strength against the

forces of nature. He had entered grueling

lumberjack competitions, and had placed

often. The shelves in his house were filled

with trophies that attested to his prowess.

The years marched on relentlessly. The first time

he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but

later that same day I saw him outside alone,

straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever

anyone teased him about his advancing age, or

when he couldn't do something he had done as

a younger man.

Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had

a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the

hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to

keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital,

Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was

lucky; he survived.

But something inside Dad died. His zest for life

was gone. He obstinately refused to follow

doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help

were turned aside with sarcasm and insults.

The number of visitors thinned, then finally

stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.

My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live

with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh

air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.

Within a week after he moved in, I regretted

the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory.

He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated

and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger

out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed,

Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation.

The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments

for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking

God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. But the months

wore on and God was silent.

Something had to be done and it was up to me to do


The next day I sat down with the phone book and

methodically called each of the mental health clinics

listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem

to each of the sympathetic voices that answered. In


Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices

suddenly exclaimed, 'I just read something that might

help you! Let me go get the article.' I listened as she

read. The article described a remarkable study done

at a nursing home. All of the patients were under

treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes

had improved dramatically when they were given

responsibility for a dog.

I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After

I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer

led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant

stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens.

Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired

dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs

all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each

one but rejected one after the other for various

reasons -too big, too small, too much hair. As I

neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the

far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the

front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer,

one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was

a caricature of the breed. Years had etched his

face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones

jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes

that caught band held my attention. Calm and clear,

they beheld me unwaveringly.

I pointed to the dog. 'Can you tell me about him?'

The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement.

'He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat

in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring

someone would be right down to claim him. That was

two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is

up tomorrow.' He gestured helplessly.

As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. 'You

mean you're going to kill him?'

'Ma'am,' he said gently, 'that's our policy. We don't

have room for every unclaimed dog.'

I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown

eyes awaited my decision. 'I'll take him,' I said.

I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside


When I reached the house I honked the horn twice.

I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad

shuffled onto the front porch. 'Ta-da! Look what I

got for you, Dad!' I said excitedly.

Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. 'If I

had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I

would have picked out a better specimen than

that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it' Dad

waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward

the house.

Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my

throat muscles and pounded into my temples.

'You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!'

Dad ignored me. 'Did you hear me, Dad?' I

screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily,

his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed

and blazing with hate.

We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when

suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp.

He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front

of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.

Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted

paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The

pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees

hugging the animal.

It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship.

Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and

Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long

hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective

moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty

trout. They even started to attend Sunday services

together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying

quietly at his feet.

Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the

next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and

Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night

I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing

through our bed covers. He had never before come

into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my

robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his

bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly

sometime during the night.

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I

discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I

wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on.

As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I

silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me

in restoring Dad's peace of mind.

The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary.

This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked

down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was

surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had

made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It

was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed

his life. And then the pastor turned to

Hebrews 13:2. 'Be not forgetful to entertain strangers.'

'I've often thanked God for sending that angel,' he said.

For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle

that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that

had just read the right article...

Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter. . .

his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father. .

and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood.

I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.

Thanks to Pat frum A Day in the Life...PRH, and Sue Gertson fer the above messages...

Adapt...Improvise and Overcome....

Well Sir...when cookin...I'm sure y'all have heard the sayin "Everything's in there cept'n the Kitchen Sink". Well Sir...In warfare....sometimes you gotta use that old Marine and Seabee sayin...Adapt, Improvise and Overcome....and thats just what the Navy did during "Nam" when munitions got short.....

My good buddy Pat frum A Day in the Life....PRH sent me this one...

"What the Hell is That on his Right Wing????"

The result of MacNamara's ordnance shortage in 'Nam..... .we "gave them everything we had..... EVERYTHING!" A true story from VA-25.

Just as this AD was being shot off, we got a 1MC message from the bridge, "What the hell was on 572's right wing?"

For those too young to remember, during the Vietnam conflict, carriers were so woefully short of ordinance that missions were often launched with only a half load just to keep the sortie rate up so that the REMF's in DC would not send out blistering messages about failure to support the war effort, etc.

Given that the loss rate approached, and sometime exceeded, one aircraft a day, all will understand that there was a degree of reticence to launch with less than a full load -- if I must dance with the elephant at least let's make it worth while. Nevertheless, the indomitable spirit of the carrier aviators, and their squadron-mates, prevailed in some rather perverse way.

I have every hope that today's successors to the mantel left at the Cubi "O" Club bar persevere as well. Kick the tires, light the fires, bolt for the blue and brief on guard -- last one up is lead. Back in 'Nam', if you weren't on USS MIDWAY in Oct 1965, I thought you'd get a kick out of one squadron's ingenuity. Yes, this really happened. Once again history is stranger then fiction, and a lot funnier:

The USS Midway VA-25's Toilet Bomb.

In October 1965, CDR Clarence J. Stoddard, Executive Officer of VA-25 "Fist of the Fleet", flying an A-1H Skyraider, NE/572 "Paper Tiger II" from Carrier Air Wing Two aboard USS Midway carried a special bomb to the North Vietnamese in commemoration of the 6-millionth pound of ordnance dropped. This bomb was unique because of the type... it was a toilet!

The following is an account of this event, courtesy of Clint Johnson, Captain, USNR Ret. Captain Johnson was one of the two VA-25 A-1 Skyraider pilots credited with shooting down a MiG-17 on June 20, 1965. Clint Johnson was also a classmate and Company-mate of mine at the Naval Academy.

572 was flown by CDR C. W. "Bill" Stoddard. His wingman in 577 was LCDR Robin Bacon, who had a wing station mounted movie camera (the only one remaining in the fleet from WWII).

The flight was a Dixie Station strike (off South Vietnam) going to the Delta. When they arrived in the target area and CDR Stoddard was reading the ordnance list to the FAC, he ended with "and one code name Sani-flush".

The FAC couldn't believe it and joined up to see it. It was dropped in a dive with LCDR Bacon flying tight wing position to film the drop. When it came off, it turned hole to the wind and almost struck his airplane.

It made a great ready room movie. The FAC said that it whistled all the way down. The toilet was a damaged toilet, which was going to be thrown overboard.

One of our plane captains rescued it and the ordnance crew made a rack, tailfins and nose fuse for it. The squadron flight deck checkers maintained a position to block the view of the Captain and Air Boss while the aircraft was taxiing onto the catapult. Just as it was being shot off we got a 1MC message from the bridge, "What the hell was on 572's right wing?"
Now Sir...There's been plenty of times in my life when I've been in a fight that I've hit someone in the head....but I never Hit em WITH the Head before.....

Now Sir...fer those of you lookin fer a job we have......
Subject: Gynecologist Assistant

A young man is walking by the Gynecologist's office in Omaha, Nebraska and sees a help wanted sign for a Gynecologist's Assistant. He is interested and goes inside to inquire about the job. He asks the receptionist about the job, She finds the job announcement and reads it to him.

The Gynecologist's assistant, prepares the patient for the doctor's examination, by removing the females underwear, washing and cleaning the genital area , then using shaving cream and a razor shaves the pubic hair. The pay is $45,000 to start.

"That sounds great" says the young man.

"This will require you to go to Gulfport Mississippi" says the receptionist.

"Is that were the job is"? he asks.

"No, that's where the end of the line is".

OK Guy's....If'n ya wanna find out just how COOL ya were back in High School....take this here Test.......Go Here....

...and...turn yur sound on, smoke em if'n ya got's a good Military song called...

"Beer fer my Horses"....

Gotta thank Missy Susan Gertson fer sendin me that one......

Thursday, January 17, 2008

My Naybor Red's new power winders.. some Jokes, and great Boogie Woogie...

Well Sir...this here video was sent to me by anuther naybor, "Bubba" Brown...and I didn't have to "Snope" this one like all the others he sends me...Thanks Bubba...


Bill & Hillary's New House Plan....** Click to Enlarge** (its worth it)

The Jayne Carroll Show is a political talk radio program that airs daily in the Portland, Oregon, metropolitan area...

Carroll asked her audience to come up with an official name for the Clinton $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, New York.

Carroll's call-in contest required the names to be in relative good taste, to be original, and to capture the essence of one or both of the Clintons. The response was overwhelming! Some names nominated for the Clintons' New York house included:

Perjurers' Palace
HillBilly Villa
The House of Bill's Repute
Drawers Downs
Cheatem Estates
Sin Simeon
The Knee Pad
The White Trash House
The Blight House
The Panderosa Liars' Lair
Bill & Hill's Bribe & Breakfast
The Clinton Compost
Dogpatch on the Hudson
The Hen House
The Out House
The Love Shack
The House of Seven Felonies
Motel Sex

But the clear, hands-down winner was -

It does have a certain fitting ring to it, don't you think..

A Blonde's Year in Review

*January *- Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

*February** *- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

*March* - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6
said '2-4 years!'

*April** *- Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

*May* - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

*June** *- Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

*July* - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the
other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

*August** *- Got locked out of my car in rain swamped because
soft-top was open.

*September *- The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

*October* - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

*November* - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound
and I weigh 108!!!

*December* - Couldn't call 911.....'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on
the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

...And NOW....My old friend Cathy frum High School sent me a link to a site I already had somewhere on my puter, so when it reminded me...I decided to post a couple things I've posted afore...BUT...yur gonna enjoy the music....The Boogie yur sound up, smoke em if ya got em....and enjoy.

...AND...Y'all can't have great Boogie Woogie with out that good old boy frum Tennessee... Jerry Lee.....

...and now's sumthin fer our Greatest Generation...Thank You for your service and sacrifice for our Great Nation....

The Andrews Sisters..."The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy from Company C"...

...and speakin of 40's music & Pin-Ups...get on over to Gina Elise's site...Pin-Ups for Vets and say hello and help some disabled vets while yur at it....

...AND..try this site.. Boogie Woogie....

Some Entertainment fer y'all, Havin Fun with Women-Folk and Guns.....

Well Sir...OK OK...nuff pulitikal stuff fer's some videos that I'm sure a few of y'all (even the ladies) will get a chuckle or two outta....

This first video was sent t'me by my good buddies Patrick frum over at "Day in The Life...PRH"... , and "Mushy" from "Mushy's Moochings" I figured I'd just look up some more video's of wummin-folk fire'n guns....especially Granny in the last video...

...and finally...Grandma "shoots em in the toodles..."...with full auto....

_____________________________________ the Cookie is prone to do ever now & agin...I this cartoon frum a blog I recently discovered called "Kiss My Gumbo"... so get on over and check it out and say howdy to Greta if'n ya gets a chance...

Wish I had a bar of soap... and a GREAT new Bumper Sticker...

Well Sir....both myself and Sig frum Signal 94 received this here E-mail frum our mutual friend and com padre, Charlie the Cop frum Chi-Town...and although Sig managed to post it first...I'm gonna run this post as well cause I think folks should know the character of the potential next President of these great United States...

Cookies NOTE:...having been in Law Enforcement for many years, and having attended various seminars and symposiums over the years with other folks in Law Enforcement, I had heard some of these stories from brother LEO's long before this E-mail started circulating the Internet and Cyber-Space....

Subject: NICE TALK...

Our Future president???

I hope not.....Please do not be offended by these ridiculously malicious and hate filled tirades and please forgive me for forwarding this trash. But... we should all realize the vicious part 'she' so cleverly hides, and the slanted media never mentions. Snopes says its so.....

Quotations from the woman who WILL be the next President if enough of us don't challenge the media-soft peddling .

Photobucket...and I shouldn't have to use this "Foul Language" (gif warning) when quoting a perspective Presidential Candidate....



"Where is the G-dam f***ing flag? I want the G-dam f***ing flag up every f***ing morning at f***ing sunrise."

--From the book "Inside The White House" by Ronald Kessler, p. 244 (Hillary to the staff at the Arkansas Governor's mansion on Labor Day, 1991)

"You sold o ut, you m***er f***er! You sold out!"

-From the book "Inside" by Joseph Califano, p. 213 - (Hillary yelling at a Democrat lawyer.)

"F*** off! It's enough that I have to see you sh**-kickers every day, I'm not going to talk to you too!! Just do your G*dam job and keep your mouth shut."

-From the book "American Evita" by Christopher Ande rson, p. 90 - (Hillary to her State Trooper bodyguards after one of them greeted her with "Good Morning.")


"You f** *ing idiot"

-From the book "Crossfire" p. 84 - (Hillary to a State Trooper who was driving her to an event.)

"If you want to remain on this detail, get your f***ing ass over here and grab those bags!"

--From the book "The First Partner" p. 259 - (Hillary to a Secret Service Agent who was reluctant to carry her luggage because he wanted to keep his hands free in case of an incident.)

"Get f***ed! Get the f*** out of my way!!! Get out of my face!!!"

--From the book "Hillary's Scheme" p. 89 - (Hillary's various comments to her Secret Service detail agents.)

"Stay the f*** back, stay the f*** away from me! Don't come within ten yards of me, or else! Just f***ing do as I say, Okay!!!?"

-From the book "Unlimited Access", by Clinton FBI Agent in Charge, Gary Aldrige, p. 139 - (Hillary screaming at her Secret Serv ice detail)

"Where's the miserable c**k sucker?"

-From the bo ok "The Truth About Hillary" by Edward Klein, p. 5 - (Hillary shouting at a Secret Service officer)

"Put this on the ground! I left my sunglasses in the limo. I need those sunglasses. We need to go back!"

-From the book "Dereliction of Duty" p. 71-72 - (Hillary to Marine One helicopter pilot to turn back while en route to Air Force One.)
"Son of a bitch."

-From the book "American Evita" by Christopher Anderson, p. 259 - (Hillary's opinion of President George W. Bush when she found out he secretly visited Iraq just days before her highly publicized trip to Iraq)

"What are you doing inviting these people into my home? These people are our enemies! They are trying to destroy us!"

-From the book "The Survivor" by John Harris, p. 99 - (Hillary screaming to an aide, when she found out that some Republicans had been invited to the Clinton White House)

"Come on Bill, put your d**k up! You can't f*** her here!!"

-From the book "Inside The White House" by Ronald Kessler, p. 243 - (Hillary to Gov. Clinton when she spots him talking with an attractive female at an Arkansas political rally.)

" You know, I'm going to start thanking the woman who cleans the restroom in the building I work in. I'm going to start thinking of her as a human being" --- Hillary Clinton

-From the book "The Case Against Hillary Clinton" by Peggy Noonan, p. 55

"We just can't trust the American people to make those types of choices.... Government has to make those choices for people "

-From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 20 - (Hillary to Rep. Dennis Hasert in 1993 discussing her expensive, disastrous taxpayer-funded health care plan.)

"I am a fan of the social policies that you find in Europe" ---Hillary in 1996"

-From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper, p.6


This ill-tempered, violent, foul- mouthed, hateful, abusive, beastly woman wants to be your president and have total control, as your Commander-in-chief of our Military, the very Military for which she has shown incredible contempt & disdain throughout her public life.

Surely we the people of the The United States can easily do better than this.

The references given for these quotes have been confirmed by Snopes ( ), but the publications do not always give the source of the quotes.

...and I gotta give a HUGE Hat Tip to Jeff Wilson fer sendin me this great Bumper Sticker....

He's Hell on Amnesty...and Consistently Conservative, and some Jocularity...

Well Sir...bein a member of "Vets4Fred", I thought I'd post three short 30 second video's to help y'all get to know this man better..... especially if'n yur against Amnesty and Open Borders....In MHO...He's a Good man....


"Old Cow"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The
driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck
and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls
to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters were crazy about me!"

"My Gosh, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said,
I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The
rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

I Saw a billboard that said:

Need help? Call Jesus.


...Out of curiosity I did.

A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.



A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ' Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'


Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,''I said '6', replies RALPHY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'


Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says,'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'


Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'


One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''


Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching! on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business.


Subject: Six !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning
back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was
not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On
the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of
Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He
put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours
later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her
stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it
was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile
and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??" Her
eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening,
he is gonna get it wrong.

Well Sir...I gotta thank "Fish" frum Kentucky and Charlie the Cop frum Chicago fer sendin these in....

...AND... I've got a GREAT new Bumper-Sticker comin up in the next post...don't miss it....!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Rush on Fred..... "Almost Orgasmic Performance...", and Saving a Life...

Well Sir....regardless of what ya might think about Rush Limbaugh....if'n yur a REAL Conservative...listen to this short video clip.....


On a more serious note, my good buddy "Sig" frum over at Signal 94 sent this to me and I definately think it's worth posting fer y'all....and it may save a life....

The life that’s saved may be one of us.

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..

Please read:


During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall, she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .....she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.)

She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ.

Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die, they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke .

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE
(Coherently) i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke ------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this:

Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that
at least one life will be saved.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Found these photygraff's most interestin... and a little sacrilegious joke...

UPDATE: One of my readers just informed me that the below Aircraft is "a Fake", a movie prop as it turns out. He "Snoped" it and learned the truth, something I usually do, but neglected to do this time, although I should have. Sorry....I'll leave it up anyhow.....what the hell....

Well most of ya already know...even though the Cookie was on "the Boats" and in the Navy Seabee's, he's also an aviation enthusiast. I just love to fly, so, when a friend of mine, Davey "Bubba" Brown sent me this...WOW!!! What a beautiful lookin aircraft.... I imagine some a you old "Airdale's" out there will get a woody lookin at this....

The plane in these pictures is still officially the 'Air Vehicle Number 1',
a prototype, on board the USS George Washington CVN-73 for catapult fit

Not exactly Top Secret but certainly not yet made public.

It will be known as the F/A-37. Although specs are
classified, it is believed to be Mach 3.5 (top speed in the
Mach 4 range), super-cruise stealth
fighter/bomber/interceptor with approximately a 4,000nm
range. Awesome!



A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry"..

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Authors Note: If'n this was about Islam instead of Catholicism....Muslims all over the world would be calling fer my head about now....

Oxy-Clinton.... Guess t'day's my day fer Political rants...

Now Sir...I know that some a you smart folks, especially women-folks out there are gonna really need this here new drug....

Y'all gotta thank "Charlie the Cop" frum Chi-Town fer makin ya aware of this....


Just thought y'all should know.....

Well Sir....this photygraff of Barack Obama failing to honor The Pledge of Allegiance at a political function has always bothered me greatly...and maybe this article by Ronald Kessler might explain it a little....

I snagged this article from the Washington Insider.....

Washington Insider with Ronald Kessler RSS ARCHIVE

Obama's Minister Honored Farrakhan

Monday, January 14, 2008 7:49 PM

By: Ronald Kessler

Barack Obama prays during services at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

Barack Obama’s longtime minister, mentor, and sounding board has been a key supporter of Louis Farrakhan and last month honored the Nation of Islam leader for lifetime achievement.

Farrakhan has repeatedly made hate-filled statements targeting Jews, whites, America, and homosexuals. He has called whites “blue-eyed devils” and the “anti-Christ.” He has described Jews as “bloodsuckers” who control the government, the media, and some black organizations.

“Do you know some of these satanic Jews have taken over BET [the Black Entertainment Network]?” Farrakhan said in a speech on Nov. 11, 2007. “Everything that we built, they have. The mind of Satan now is running the record industry, movie industry, and television. And they make us look like we’re the murderers; we look like we’re the gangsters, but we’re punk stuff.”

The month after that speech, Obama’s minister and friend, the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. and his Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, honored Farrakhan at a gala, bestowing on him its Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. Lifetime Achievement Trumpeteer award.

Obama has said he found religion through Wright in the 1980s and consulted him before deciding to run for president. He prayed privately with Wright before announcing his candidacy last year.

In the November/December issue of his church’s magazine, Trumpet, Wright heaped praise on Farrakhan, whom he helped in organizing the Million Man March in Washington in 1995. Wright lauded Farrakhan as one of the giants of the African-American religious experience in the 20th and 21st centuries.

“When Minister Farrakhan speaks, black America listens,” Wright said. “His depth on analysis [sic] when it comes to the racial ills of this nation is astounding and eye-opening. He brings a perspective that is helpful and honest.”

Hailing Farrakhan’s “integrity and honesty,” Wright said, “His love for Africa and African-American people has made him an unforgettable force, a catalyst for change, and a religious leader who is sincere about his faith and his purpose.”

A video quoting some of Wright’s opprobriums ran at the gala at the Hyatt Regency Chicago and appears on YouTube. However, while the mainstream media have hammered Mitt Romney over his religion, they have ignored or else downplayed Obama’s ties to Wright. No stories have appeared on Wright’s award to Farrakhan in December.

Wright’s church occupies a brick building at 400 West 95th Street near a public housing project and railroad tracks. Since becoming pastor in 1972, Wright has seen the church’s membership grow from 80 to more than 8,500. The church is the largest congregation in the United Church of Christ, a predominantly white denomination known for its liberal politics. Obama’s church runs an outreach program to attract gay and lesbian singles.

Born in Hawaii, Obama is the son of a white Christian mother from Kansas and a Kenyan father who was a Muslim but was not religious. From age 6 to 10, Obama lived in Indonesia, where he went to a Catholic school. For a year, he went to a public school where he attended Islamic religion classes.

Obama says he found religion and Jesus Christ through Wright, whom he met in the mid-1980s. Obama has been attending Wright’s church regularly since 1988. Wright warned Obama that getting involved with Trinity, with its radical reputation, might turn off other black clergy. But in 1991, Obama joined the church and walked down the aisle in a formal commitment of faith. Wright later married Obama and Michelle Robinson and baptized their two daughters.

The title of Obama’s bestseller “The Audacity of Hope” comes from one of Wright’s sermons. Wright is one of the first people Obama thanked after his election to the U.S. Senate in 2004.

For a Jan. 21, 2007 story in the Chicago Tribune, Obama said that Wright keeps his priorities straight and his moral compass calibrated.

“What I value most about Pastor Wright is not his day-to-day political advice,” Obama told the paper. “He’s much more of a sounding board for me to make sure that I am speaking truthfully about what I believe is possible and that I’m not losing myself in some of the hype and hoopla and stress that’s involved in national politics.”

However, Obama has said that in the fall of 2006, he broached the subject of a run for the presidency with Wright, who encouraged him to go ahead.

As noted in a Jan. 7 Newsmax article, “Barack Obama’s Racist Church,” in sermons and interviews, Wright has equated Zionism with racism and has compared Israel with South Africa under its previous policy of apartheid. On the Sunday following 9/11, Wright characterized the terrorist attacks as a consequence of violent American policies. Four years later, Wright suggested that the attacks were retribution for America’s racism.

“In the 21st century, white America got a wake-up call after 9/11/01,” Wright wrote in Trumpet. “White America and the Western world came to realize that people of color had not gone away, faded into the woodwork or just ‘disappeared’ as the Great White West kept on its merry way of ignoring black concerns.”

In one of his sermons, Wright said to thumping applause, “Racism is how this country was founded and how this country is still run! ...We [in the U.S.] believe in white supremacy and black inferiority and believe it more than we believe in God.”

In an op-ed in the Philadelphia Tribune, Wright said that war is about “making the world safe” for American business interests. “When one goes against the war, one tampers with the financial institutions and the financial system that was put in place by the Founding Fathers of this country to keep the rich, rich!” he said. “The rich can only stay rich by keeping the poor, poor.”

As for Israel, “The Israelis have illegally occupied Palestinian territories for over 40 years now,” Wright has said. “Divestment has now hit the table again as a strategy to wake the business community and wake up Americans concerning the injustice and the racism under which the Palestinians have lived because of Zionism.”

Those views run parallel to Farrakhan’s, who said in an interview this month with that there will be “no peace for Israel, because there can be no peace as long as that peace is based on lying, stealing, murder, and using God’s name to shield a wicked, unjust practice that is not in harmony with the will of God.”

Just before Obama’s nationally televised campaign kickoff rally last Feb. 10, the candidate disinvited Wright from giving the public invocation. Wright explained: “When [Obama’s] enemies find out that in 1984 I went to Tripoli” to visit Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi with Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, “a lot of his Jewish support will dry up quicker than a snowball in hell.”

According to Wright, Obama then told him, “'You can get kind of rough in the sermons, so what we’ve decided is that it’s best for you not to be out there in public.” Wright is retiring as senior pastor of the church in May. He asked his successor, Otis Moss III, to speak instead, but he declined. However, Obama and his family prayed privately with Wright just before the presidential announcement.

The media blackout on Obama’s radical minister is in striking contrast to the coverage of Romney. Nearly half the references to Romney in the media include a discussion of his membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

If Romney’s church proclaimed on its Web site that it is “unashamedly white,” the media would pounce, and Romney’s presidential candidacy would be over. Yet that is what Obama’s church says on its web site -- except in reverse.

“We are a congregation which is unashamedly black and unapologetically Christian,” says the Trinity United Church of Christ’s Web site. “We are an African people and remain true to our native land, the mother continent, the cradle of civilization.”

Moreover, the church has a “non-negotiable commitment to Africa,” according to its Web site, and the church and its pastor subscribe to what is called the Black Value System.

While the Black Value System encourages commitment to God, education, and self-discipline, it refers to “our racist competitive society” and includes the disavowal of the pursuit of “middle-classness” and a pledge of allegiance to “all black leadership who espouse and embrace the Black Value System.” It defines “middle-classness” as a way for American society to “snare” blacks rather than “killing them off directly” or “placing them in concentration camps,” just as the country structures “an economic environment that induces captive youth to fill the jails and prisons.”

In two exceptions to the media blackout, Tucker Carlson of MSNBC described Trinity as having a “racially exclusive theology” that “contradicts the basic tenets of Christianity.” Sean Hannity of Fox News confronted Wright on TV and asked how a black value system is any more acceptable than a white value system.

If a white presidential candidate’s church had a similar statement and “you substitute the word black for white, there would be an outrage in this country,” Hannity said. “There would be cries of racism in this country.'”

In response, Wright repeatedly asked Hannity how many books he had read by James Cone and others about black liberation theology. Cone, who is widely admired at Wright’s church, was quoted in the May 29, 2007, issue of The Christian Century as saying, “Theologically, Malcolm X was not far wrong when he called the white man ‘the devil.’... Any advice from whites to blacks on how to deal with white oppression is automatically under suspicion as a clever device to further enslavement.”

On a few points, Obama has sought to distance himself from Wright’s teachings or to explain them away. While Wright is his pastor and friend, Obama has said, they do not see eye to eye on everything. Without addressing Wright’s denunciations of Israel and Zionism as racist, Obama has said he “strongly disagrees with any portrayal of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict that advocates divestment from Israel or expresses anything less than strong support for Israel’s security.”

As for Wright’s repeated comments blaming America for the 9/11 attacks, Obama has said it sounds as if the minister was trying to be “provocative.”

But Obama’s close association with Wright over more than two decades and the minister’s close ties to Farrakhan cannot be explained away so cavalierly. If Obama rejects Wright’s warped view of this country, why does he continue to attend his church? If Obama disagrees with Farrakhan and his anti-Semitic and anti-white statements, why doesn’t he denounce him rather than continue to associate with a minister and friend who is one of his advocates and who gave him an award for lifetime achievement? Does Obama secretly agree with some of their hate-filled, radical statements while publicly avoiding race-specific appeals as part of his candidacy?

That comports with Obama’s habit of not showing up for controversial votes or tackling tough policy issues, allowing him to broaden his appeal through charisma alone. Farrakhan himself recently spoke approvingly of Obama’s strategy, which is crucial to inviting whites to support him.

“Barack Obama has been very careful not to position himself as Rev. Jesse Jackson or Rev. Al Sharpton as a promoter of ‘The Black Cause,’” Farrakhan said in the interview with “He has been groomed, wisely so, to be seen more as a unifier, rather than one who speaks only for the hurt of black people.”

At the least, Obama’s membership in Wright’s church and close ties to Wright himself suggest a lack of judgment and an insensitivity to views that are repugnant to the vast majority of white Americans who are not bigots or anti-Semites.

That same lack of judgment has shown up in Obama’s gaffes -- threatening to invade Pakistan and offering prompt negotiations with anti-American despots. More frightening, Obama voted last August to give Osama bin Laden and other terrorists the same rights as Americans when it comes to intercepting their overseas calls in order to pick up clues needed to stop another attack.

To evaluate what Obama’s ties to Wright mean, picture America’s reaction if President Bush’s minister, mentor, and moral compass had the views of Wright and was an admirer and supporter of Farrakhan.

“He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas,” Benjamin Franklin said.

Obama may be a gifted orator, but his choice of a friend and advisor suggests he is masquerading as a moderate. While the liberal media have already decided Obama will be our next president, Americans may have a different view when they consider what his ties to Wright tell us about the presidential candidate’s true opinions and character.

Ronald Kessler is chief Washington correspondent of View his previous dispatches and have them sent to you free via e-mail.

© 2008 Newsmax. All rights reserved.

Always......A True Conservative....

Well my regular readers know, I generally stick t'postin mostly humorous stuff....but I so believe that our great Nation needs this man and his values that I'm gonna do a little "stumping" fer him.....

Monday, January 14, 2008

Some Oldies BUT Goodies....

Subject: When you open your mouth, sometimes ***

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a
few people who did....


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.



I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never lets me


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that
if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of t he bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard! when the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she
was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".

I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have
any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny , did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that
8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!




Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot
replied, "Get him, Spike!"

See - We Men just don't listen!

Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy: READ SLOWLY

1) A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

2) On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5) Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6) He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

7) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9) Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11) Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13) How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14) Okay, so what's the speed of dark?

15) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16) Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17) How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19) What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

22) Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23) Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24) Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Nominated as the best short joke so far this year....

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking

"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet" she replied.


...and the first runner up was:

Two women were sitting together, quietly.

...and...take a gander at this.....


I gotta thank my buddies "Fish" frum Kentucky, Charlie the Cop and Davey "Bubba" Brown fer sendin these along....

OK OK...So I'm a little "sexist" today... and fair warnin Chief...


30 things y'all might just hear frum a woman...


1) Okay, Okay!! I take it back!... Unfuck you!
2) You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing!
3) Well, this day was a total waste of makeup!
4) Well, aren’t we a damn ray of sunshine?
5) Don’t bother me; I am living happily ever after!
6) Do I look like a people person?
7) This isn’t an office…It is hell with fluorescent lighting!
8) I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
9) Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose!
10) Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self control?
11) I’m not crazy; I’ve been a very bad mood for 30 years.
12) Sarcasm is just one more service I offer
13) Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14) I’m not your type I’m not inflatable.
15) Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet!
16) Back off!!! You are standing in my aura!
17) Don’t worry; I forgot your name too.
18) I work 45 hrs a week to be this poor?
19) Not all men are annoying. Some are dead
20) Wait… I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
21) Chaos, panic and disorder… my work here is done.
22) Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23) You look like shit! Is that the style now?
24) Earth is full. Go home.
25) Aw, did I step on your poor little itty ego???
26) I’m not tense, just terribly alert.
27) A hard on doesn’t count as personal growth.
28) You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29) If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
30) Look in my eyes….Do you see one ounce of I give-a shit?

Now Sir...fer those of you that foller such things...most of y'all know that myself and the good Chief over at Smolderin Embers likes to bust each others balls whenever the opportunities present themselves...Well Sir...Guess What?....

Next New York Giants are playin the Chief's Green Bay Packers to determine which one goes to the Super Bowl...

So...if'n ya think the ball-bustin was bad afore....just watch the fireworks that take place over the next week....and may God Bless the loser...he'll need it....

P.S....Is anybody else having a problem with "Blogger" today? I can only write and post in the "Edit html" mode...not the "Compose" mode....