Three guys are debating who has the best memory.
First guy says,
"I can remember the first day of my First Grade class."
Second guy says,
"I can remember my first day at Nursery School!"
Not to be outdone, the third guy says,
"That's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my dad,
and coming home with my mom."
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The
teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?.
"No" said the little boy....."It's a puppy!"______________________________
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping up and down for joy!
I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great! Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!
I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said.... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"______________________________
PENDING MARRIAGE> >> >> >
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and commit my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping and cheering!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test......we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:Always keep your condoms in your car........!!
Well Sir....I'd like to thank both Sue Gertson frum
Texas, and "Fish" frum
Kentucky fer sendin
the old Cookie these here jokes.....