Sunday Sundries....

The Republican Cowboy....

A Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary Clinton is attending, and trying gather more support for her nomination.

Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him
by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
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Uncle Jay explains how hard Congress really wurks fer us...


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Why men wear earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an
earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow,
and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him
to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."



I always wondered how this trend got started.
__________________________

Betcha never knew this....I didn't....



I have been driving for over forty years. One would think I would have noticed the little secret on my dashboard that was staring me right in the face the whole time. I didn't and I bet you probably haven't either.

Quick question, which side of your car is your gas tank on? If you are anything like me, you probably can't remember right away. My solution is to uncomfortably stick my head out the window, strain my neck and look. If you don't do this in your own car you definitely have done it in a borrowed or rental car.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to share with you my little secret so you will no longer look like Ace Ventura on your way to the gas station or put your neck at risk of discomfort or injury.

If you look at your gas gauge, you will see a small icon of a gas pump. The handle of the gas pump will extend out on either the left or right side of the pump. If your tank is on the left, the handle will be on the left. If your tank is on the right, the handle will be on the right (see photo above). It is that simple!

I don't know how you feel right now but when I found out this morning I felt cheated!

Why don't the dealers share such important information with car buyers? I don't understand why this isn't in the driver's manual? I don't get why any mechanic I have ever been to or know has even thought of mentioning this to me? The only possible explanation can be that all these people probably don't even know!

Go out and share the world's best kept auto secret with your friends.
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I gotta thank "Charlie the Cop" and 'Cinnabitch", both from Chicago fer sharin these with us....

Some Saturday (or Sunday) din-din suggestions frum Susan Gertson...

Country Style Pork Chops with Country Gravy

4 boneless pork chops
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried rubbed sage
1 tablespoon butter
Cooking spray
1 1/2 cups low-fat milk

Place flour, salt, dried marjoram, dried thyme, and dried rubbed sage in a shallow dish. Dredge pork in flour mixture, turning to coat; shake off excess. Reserve remaining flour mixture.

Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium heat. Add pork to pan; cook on each side until browned, about 3 minutes. Reduce heat, and cook for 10 minutes or until done, turning pork once. Remove pork from pan; keep warm.

Combine reserved flour mixture and milk in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk until blended. Add milk mixture to pan; place over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Reduce heat, and simmer 2 minutes or until slightly thickened, stirring constantly. Serve with chops.

Yield
4 servings (serving size: 1 chop and 1/2 cup gravy)
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OR



Chicken Marsala

Flour, salt & pepper
2 Tbsp. olive oil
3 Tbsp butter, separated
1 lb chicken
1 lb sliced mushrooms (I used baby portabellas)
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1 1/4 cups chicken stock
¾ cup. Marsala wine
2 Tbsp half-n-half

Lightly dredge cutlets in flour seasoned with salt and pepper.

Heat olive oil and a tablespoon of butter in pan to medium-high; add cutlets. Turn over when cutlet changes color one-quarter of way up and seared side is a golden brown. Flip and cook other side until browned. Transfer cutlets to clean plate and set aside.

Reduce heat to medium and add mushrooms, garlic and and a tablespoon of butter to pan, stirring occasionally, being careful the garlic doesn't burn. Cook about 3 min, until softened and browned. Stir in Marsala, stock, and half and half. Add cutlets; reduce heat to LOW.

Cook 6-7 min until cutlets are done (should have an internal temperature of 165 degrees F). If sauce is thin, continue cooking so that it may reduce, or add a bit of cornstarch to thicken. Transfer cutlets to clean serving platter and serve with sauce.
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This is comfort food at it's simplest, and a great side dish for a winter's night meal, and goes GREAT with either the above Country style "Poke-Chops " or the Chicken Marsala....

Corn Fluff

one 15 1/4-ounce can whole kernel corn, drained
one 14 3/4-ounce can cream-style corn
one 8-ounce package corn muffin mix (such as Jiffy)
1 cup sour cream
1 egg, beaten
1/4 cup (half a stick) butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350-degrees F; grease a glass pie plate or small baking dish.

In a large bowl, stir together the two cans of corn, corn muffin mix, sour cream, egg, and butter. Pour into prepared pie plate/dish.

Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until golden brown. Yields 6 to 8 servings.
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Apple-Strawberry Crisp

1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup rolled oats
1 cup brown sugar
11/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter, melted
3 cups peeled, cored and sliced apples
1 cup slices fresh strawberries
1/2 cup white sugar
1 Tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 cup water
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a medium bowl, combine flour, oats, brown sugar, cinnamon and melted butter. Stir until crumbly. Press half the oat mixture into a 9×13 inch baking dish. Cover with sliced apples and strawberries.
In a medium saucepan, combine white sugar, cornstarch, water and vanilla. Cook, stirring, until thick and clear, 10 minutes. Pour over apple/strawberry mixture. Cover fruit with remaining crumble mixture.
Bake in preheated oven 45 minutes, until bubbly and golden.

Serve with whip cream of course, and better if the crisp is warm!

Again...Thank ya Missy Susan fer these great recipe's.....I'll just bet that yur entire family sure does eat real well down there in Eagle Lake, Texas....

Friday Funnies....

What are you doing here? - man asks wife at brothel (True Story) OR..."The Best Little Whore House in Poland"...

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

“I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

(Writing by Chris Borowski, Editing by Matthew Jones)

And of course it begs the question - WTF was he doing there? Maybe she got so tired bumpin’ nasties at work she wouldn’t bump nasties with him?
______________________________

...and...fer Christmas this year one of my Grandchildren bought me a brand spankin new Fishin Boat....here t'is.....


________________________________

I think on some level...we all knew this was true.....


__________________________

Been tryin t'tell my wife this fer years......

As Ben Franklin said:

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is
bacteria."

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila,
rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a
purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine / beer = Health.

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it
as a public service.
_______________________________

The Urinal Is Too High


A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two
female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack
(Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horse s and the
supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would
go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting
outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her
that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with
their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one
holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring,
the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver
Arrow in the seventh."
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Subject: THE IRISH ARCHAEOLOGIST


After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish
archaeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and
came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone
network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English
scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters and shortly after, headlines in
the UK newspapers read: “English archaeologists have found traces of 200
year old copper wire” and have concluded that their ancestors had an
advanced high-tech communications network one hundred years earlier that
the Scots.

One week later, “The Kerryman”, a southwest Irish newsletter reported
the following: After digging as deep as 30 meters in a peat bog near
Tralee, Paddy O’Doul, a self-taught archaeologist reported that he found
absolutely nothing”. Paddy therefore concluded that 300 years ago,
Ireland had already gone wireless.
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I gotta give a good Cookshack Thanks to "Fish" frum Kentucky, Charlie the Cop frum Chi-Town and Pat Houseworth fer sendin me these humorous anecdotes & jokes...

They make tough cars in Europe..some Serenity..taxes..a letter frum this old Sheepdog...

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...and...fer a real GREAT stress reducer....especially if'n yur a Republican...go HERE... and get some real Serenity. I watched this 2 or 3 times and I feel absolutely GREAT!!!

...and yur gonna need this after ya read the next article in the post....
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The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
Whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.


A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of
New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you
Each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family
Gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C .... HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax hi am until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fe e Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local sub recharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage sub recharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'

And I still have to 'press
1' for English.

WTF happened?????
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Well Sir....this GREAT letter was sent to me by Sue Gertson, who's son, Clint, made the ultimate sacrifice for our great Nation. He was killed doing his duty in Iraq. It doesn't get any simpler as what this author states.....

Sheep, Wolf or Sheepdog.....

This letter was written by Charles Grennel and his comrades who are veterans of the Global War on Terror. Grennel is an Army Reservist whospent two years in Iraq and was a principal in putting together thefirst Iraq elections, January of 2005.

It was written to Jill Edwards, a student at the University of Washington who did not want to honor Medal of Honor winner Colonel Greg Boyington with a plaque. Greg Boyington was a graduate of UW, and a USMC pilot during WW-II. Miss Edwards objection was because he had killed people.

Ms. Edwards and other students (and faculty) do not think those who serve in the U.S. armed services are good role models. _________

To: Edwards, Jill (student, UW) Subject: Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs

Miss Edwards, I read of your student activity regarding the proposed memorial to Col. Greg Boyington, USMC and a Medal of Honor winner. I suspect you will receive a bellyful of angry e-mails from other military men like me.

You may be too young to appreciate fully the sacrifices of generations of servicemen and servicewomen on whose shoulders you and your fellow students stand. I forgive you for the untutored ways of youth and your naivete.

It may be that you are, simply, a sheep. There's no dishonor in being a sheep as long as you know and accept what you are.

William J. Bennett, in a lecture to the United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997 said:

"Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident. We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. They are sheep.

Then there are the wolves and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy. Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.

Then there are sheepdogs. I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf.

But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the uncharted path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed."

We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Our children are thousands of times more likely to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard, and so they chose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, can not and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheep dog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed.

The world can not work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours. Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports, in camouflage fatigues, holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, Baa. Until the wolf shows up; then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door.

Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle.

That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed, right along with the young ones.

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes. The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference. You want to be able to make a difference.

There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population.

There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory crimes of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself.

Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.

Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When they learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd and the other passengers confronted the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers, athletes, business people and parents from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.

"There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men."... Edmund Burke.

"Only the dead have seen the end of war."... Plato

Here is the point I like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn't have a choice.

But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision. If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you.

If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love.

But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.

This business of being a sheep or a sheep dog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-sand-sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between.

Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors and the warriors started taking their job more seriously. It's ok to be a sheep, but do not kick the sheep dog.

Indeed, the sheep dog may just run a little harder, strive to protect a little better and be fully prepared to pay an ultimate price in battle and spirit with the sheep moving from baa to thanks.

We do not call for gifts or freedoms beyond our lot. We just need a small pat on the head, a smile and a thank you to fill the emotional tank which is drained protecting the sheep. And when our number is called by The Almighty, and day retreats into night, a small prayer before the heavens just may be in order to say thanks for letting you continue to be a sheep. And be grateful for the thousands, millions of American sheepdogs who permit you the freedom to express even bad ideas.

I first posted this last August, and have since received several requests to see it again...so...if'n ya didn't copy it the first time...do it now....

As usual...mostly humor, a little politics...and a great quiz fer those over 50...

Well Sir...now here be a Head-Line which will definately get the Chief's attention as he's a very avid Green Bay supporter...something akin to an "Athletic Supporter"....

Quarterback for the Packers...

In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday.

Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sound idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State.

When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the white house,

Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef".
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This may be old...but it's still my favorite Bumper Sticker....


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A Girl at the Beach....

A Couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the
beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at
the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor
was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing;
she would approach people who were sitting on the
beach, glance around furtively,then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she
would wander off. B ut occasionally someone would nod
and there would be a quick exchange of money and
something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and
debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know
for sure, they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have
you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with
boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't -- and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and
our big radio and go lie out on t he beach. Then we can
find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife
was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when
she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at
the road.

"Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more
than he should have. "...and her name is Cindy by the way." he added...

"Well, what is it then? What does she do ?" his wife
fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "She's a battery
salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes ..." he replied -

SCROLL DOWN


OOOOH - You're gonna dislike me for this - but it will
make your day !!! and I bet some a y'all will copy and paste it inta yur blog's....
















She sells "C" cells by the seashore

***********************

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters
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...and this is why I was NEVER late fer school...and we had a small 68 year old Nun drivin the school bus...


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*Computer Error* ID ten T

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob the computer guy, to come over. Bob clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out.... I D 1 0 T

I used to like Bob!
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...and...along with Dick Morris's "Pastry Chef" remark.... think about this here prophetic street sign from North Carolina when y'all get ready to vote....


____________________________

...and big Old Cookshack Thanks to "Charlie the Cop" frum Chicago and "Fish" frum down Kentucky wat fer sharin these with all of us....
_____________________________

...and I gotta thank Cathy from my High School days fer sendin us this.....

History Exam

Everyone over 60 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.

This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life.

*** Get paper & pencil & number from 1 to 20.
****Write the letter of each answer & score at the end.

HAVE FUN!!!!

1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob.
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch.
c. Next to the horn.

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs.
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing.
c. Large salt shaker.

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produc e milk.
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled.
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors
and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing
up the cardboard bottle t op.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for
a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW II.
a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c . Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design
on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter.
b. Ch ocolate licorice bars.
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles w ith colored sugar water inside.

8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up.
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing.
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust.

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your
roller skates attached to your shoes?
a. With clamp s, tightened by a skate key.
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
c. Long pieces of twine.

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to
reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts.
b. Ask Mom.
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo..

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940s and 1950s?
a. Smallpox
b. AIDS
c. Polio

12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pony?
a. Ol d Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek.
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to
do chores.
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on
the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajawea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window.
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure.

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores t hat gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum.
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items.
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos.

18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________ ?
a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
----------------------------
<> -----------------------
ANSWERS

1. (b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe , took till the late '60's
to catch on.

2. (b) To sprinkle cloth es before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

3. (c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.

4. (a) Blackjack Gum.
5. (b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.

6. (a) 1946 Studebaker.

7. (c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

8. (a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

9. (a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key,
which you wore on a shoestring around your
nec k.

10. (c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. (c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.

12. (b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. (c) Macaroni.

14. (c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. (a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

16. (a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.

17. (b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household item s at the Green Stamp store.

18. (c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.

19. (a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.

20. (a) Tony Bennett , and he sounds just as good today.

SCORING

17- 20 correct : You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!

12 -16 correct/U> : Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.

0 -11 correct : You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.

Well Sir...I guess the perfect score I got makes me "Older Than Dirt"...oh well...I knew that anyhow...

I Don't care who y'are.. This here First Joke is funny..

Well Sir....What a mental Picture this here joke invokes....




A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heartcovered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.

“I'm a gynecologist."

Just then...The proctologist fainted.
_________________________

Butch the Rooster

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city folks).

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician (like Al Gore) could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
________________________

I gotta say Thanks to Susan Gertson and "Charlie the Cop" for sendin me most of these...

To Those Born Between 1930-1979

READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle andNO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms.......

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them ...CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
________________________________

...and...The Bambi & Scruffy Show....Cute...


_________________________________

...and...just some FYI....no surprize when yur tryin t'make the data fit yur theory...


________________________________

Now this is my kinda Cook.... article snagged frum Myron's Random Thoughts...

Go Get’em, Cookie

January 7, 2008 in Navy, Photos

Navy cooks are multi-talented dudes. This is from The Navy Newsstand - Eye on the Fleet. A very interesting site. To me, anyway. But then, I’m an old squid, huh?

080106-N-3385W-035 KHOST, Afghanistan (Jan. 6, 2008) Culinary Specialist 1st Class Oliver Puckyk, an Individual Augmentee (IA) Sailor attached to Provincial Reconstruction Team Khost, sets the head space and timing on the .50-cal machine gun prior to a recent convoy to conduct quality assurance of road construction in and around Kst province.

U.S. Navy photo by Ensign Christopher Weis (Released)


______________________________

...and I dedicate this to all my "Boomer Buddies"....Thanks "cds"...

Hmmm... A Mostly fer Men Only post.. Didn't see this first one a comin...some Nudity ahead..

He's the winner of Thailand's Miss Transvestite Contest 2005

All are males!!

I bet you scroll back, to check IT out again!!!!

I gotta admit....I didn't see that comin...it sure fooled the hell outta this old Sailor....

Thanks to Susan from Eagle Lake, Texas fer foolin the old Cookie with this one...
______________________________

...and this one as well....

"The Koby"......


_____________________________

Now Sir...here be a question that most men

won't be able to answer...

WARNING... Frontal NUDITY AHEAD....!!!!

...If'n frontal FEMALE NUDITY offends ya...STOP NOW!!!!











Now...here be the question....


What color is the Car?

Gotta Thank "The Chief" frum over at Smolderin Embers fer that one....
_____________________________________

OK...now that I've got yur attention (at least the men folks attention)...I found this here video of the ass-clown Jay Grodner on YouTube. In case y'all have fergotten, this here Chicago attorney was caught in the act of "Keying" the car of a United States Marine on New Years eve, the night before he was about to ship out to Iraq for his 2nd tour.... the damages estimated at about $2,400....

It should be noted that Grodner knew the vehicle belonged to a US Marine because of the plates on the vehicle...and when caught...made some derogatory comments about the Marines and the Military...

This jerk then tried to pull all kinds of legal finagling to get the case against him dismissed, or at least postponed until the Marine returned from Iraq....However...because of the HUGE outpouring of support from Bloggers all over the Nation, the local Prosecutors decided to take this case seriously.....



A huge Cookshack Hat-Tip to whomever made this video..... Good on Ya...

A Mad-Cap Monday Mix t'start yur week....

Well Sir....here be some things my folks used t'say back in 1955...

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going
to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before
$2, 000.00 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack
is ridiculous.

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail
a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost
29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to
stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long
as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every
new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it."

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man
on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call
astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a
year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making
more than the President."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women
are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to
watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be
getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of
foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half
our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people
to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs
nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's
too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."


And if'n y'all wanna hear all the great music of the 50's through the 80's.......GO HERE! , turn up yur sound and pick yur favorite year....
___________________________________

Wal-Mart Greeter

A new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?"

'They said, "Good morning, General."
_____________________________

Ever now and agin...they come out with a good humorous commercial...SOUND ON.

How a Butterfly destroyed my house.....


______________________________

A Blonde finds herself in serious trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.

I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this....Buy a ticket."
________________________________

Journey of a Man

When I was 12, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 15 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits!
____________________________

I gotta THANK "Charlie the Cop" frum Chi-Town, and Pat Houseworth fer the above funnies....
_________________________________

...and a Cookshack "Thanks Mate" to Jeff Wilson fer this here beauty...

Remember that cute little Coppertone girl with her dog pulling on her blue bathing suit bottoms during the late 50's and throughout the 60's?



Well, she's all grown up now, and is living in Sarasota , Florida at Siesta Key Beach.